Moving Out, Moving Up?

First, I am new to ths website. It looks really interesting.

I moved out two weeks ago yesterday. This is the end of a 27 year marriage. This is the second time I moved out. The first time I did it very badly (worked up hatred and anger toward my wife and had an affair). This time it is really different.

When I came back four years ago, things never really took off. We had massive trust issues, and even bigger intimacy issues. I went into therapy, and made great strides, but she didn't see a need for it. I worked at it, and I guess she did too, but we just could not make headway.

This time I got a lot of community support. Some of my best friends are with me, and this time I have no secrets, no affair, nothing to hide. It is hard. We have three children, one who is ten. The ten year old seems to understand why we are doing this more than anyone else in the family. My wife still does not seem to understand why I left, which is one our problems.  

I live in a dry cabin just outside of Fairbanks, Alaska. ("Dry" means no running water. I have "walking water."

Anyway, that is the tip of the iceberg.

AlaskanStranger AlaskanStranger
51-55, M
4 Responses May 8, 2009

wow. same story here. just about. we were separated 4 years ago. I stayed out of duty and because kids were heartbroken. Never really could get back to where I needed to be emotionally with my husband. It's sad. Just know there is someone else out there who gets it. Take care.

I can so relate. I am in my second marriage. He became abusive verbally and one time phiscal with my daughter. I was so in love with him. But He doesn't know how to love someone else. I was very lonely because my husband chosse to spend all his time with guy frineds playing board games and xbox games till sometimes 3:00am. I begane to hang out to with the wrong girls. One night my husbad got mad at me for my daughter and her friend making to much noise. i came down to calm things and he spit in my face called me all kinds of names and said he wanted a divorce. so i made planes ot leave. Two weeks before moving out I met someone and began to talk with him. When i left I began to see him and my husband said you have been having an afair. It was so crazy. After he had filed for divorce and 2 months later he wanted me back. I went back and for 2 months he was trying. Then everything got bad again. even worse. the abuse and neglect started again. I left again and filed for divorce. i had enough. But some how I still loved him. I have been seperated for 17months and have not dated anyone while he got on match .com and has<br />
dated several women. He calles me now and says if my mom would give her blessing I would give us another try. I don't trust him. He has made to many promises and never keeps them. I think when he doesn't have a woman in his life he just comes back to me. I know that if we continue to just work on oursleves and become healthy we will then find healthy people. I just trust in God to get me thorugh every day. I pray that You will find peace and joy. Life is about choices and love is a choice. I think its about are we willing to take the effort it takes to make things work? God Bless.

Hang in there brother , the way I see it , things can only get better for you !

You are very welcome to this site. I wish for your sake you did not have to be here, but you will find understanding, support, helpful advice and knowledge from the great people here.<br />
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Like you I moved out of my marriage (of twenty years) two weeks ago. So I have much fellow feeling for you. I sincerely hope you are on the path to a happier and more fulfilling life. (I hope I am too!)