Upset And Left Holding The Bag.

I have been with my soon to be ex for 10 years now, married for 6 of them and if I was honest knew it was over for over 1 year now. 1 week ago my ex told me she wants a separation. She spent alot of time talking about finding her self and possibly getting into a new relationship. For the 1st time in 10 years I was no longer her hero or lover, I was the villain. After 10 years together I had her talk bad about me in front of others and even flirt with other men. For the past year of our marriage she has been a stay at home and done a very good job of being a mother to our 2 children. Some where over the last year we grew apart and things no longer "seemed real". sex became less and less common. I've had many friends suggest she has been having an affair and even found proof to back it up. Still in some way I miss my wife and feel bad about watching our marriage fall apart.

davdd davdd
31-35, M
2 Responses Mar 16, 2010

davdd, do you think you will miss your marriage and the good times but not really the last year and the woman your wife became? it sounds cliche but it takes two to make it work. no matter how bad you want it if she doesn't there is really not much you can do. have you offered to get counciling WITH her? and see if there are needs she has that you can meet. an affair is an awful thing but if she is sorry and you are the bigger person and willing to forgive then anything is possible. now i know some people will blow up at me and my advice but i know that every relationship is unique and only the 2 people in it really know wether it is worth saving or not. good luck

Easy to judge another and tell others what to do but may not be as helpful if given in an untimely manner. At present it will take you time to heal but within a year or so opportunities will give you time to deal with your part in the marriage, separation and divorse . This is not easy and may be the reason why many have chosen to blame their partners only to doom their next relationship. Avoiding the blame game, dealing with self, serves as a growth period and become a better partner & not another victim hurt. ░♥【ツ】♥░