The Hardest Thing That Happend Too Me


                     I have never shared this wih anyone but my best friends and my bf, but I thought I would share it with everyone here who might have been through this too share with them, that we are no longer victims but surviors now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was mostled and raped at 15 yrs old, I got an S.T.D. from it and I also got preagent as well with my first child, who later I carried full term and she was a stillborn!! I use too have problems acepting that I was a victim for so long but now I have realized that I am surivor, I wasen't killed or left for dead, even though it felt like it at the time, but here I am alieve and well! The person who did this to me has still NOT been caught but that's ok too me because I do not have too worry about the law getting too him, he's gonna have too face God one day and that is the worse punshiment he's gonna get unstead of the law on his ***!! I was kicked out of my adopted parents house when I was 15 yrs old because I had a friend that was black that came over too visit and my adopted parents are racial and Iam NOT and will NOT tolerate it from anyone that is, God created us through His image and His love, so my adopted parents told me either she had too leave or I had too leave, so I left and had no where too go, so I lived on the street s and there I was raped and mostled!! Here is what happend too me:

   I was living unneathe a bridge somewhere which I do not want to disclose; but this man came up too me and told me that he could drop me off at a youth shelter and I would be safe, I was a dumb asto belive him so I went with him, he took me into this old house that was abanoed and there he pulled my underwear off of me and started to **** me it hurt so bad and soi painful I tried to scream but then he ducted taped my mouth and I couldn't scream, he tied my hands behinde my back and tehn he started to put his penis within me and raped me! I tired too kick him as hard a I could but then he shoved my legs open and kept forcing his penis into me harder and harder shoving so hard I could feel my vagian walls almost rip it was so painful and blood was going everywhere! He tried too feed me dog food once he was done and then a man who was walking outside his house saw me and what was going on he called the police and the man who did this too me took off outsidethe back door. By the time police came the man took off on foot and only God knows where he went, I was covered in blood and so scared I tried too fightthe cops screaming and kicking them, they told me they were ot there too hurt me but too help me, and take me too a hospital too be helped out and get treament, I finaly stoped screamming and went with them! This is what happened too me that made me bi-sexual and I am NO longer a victim but a survior and I want others too know who have been sexually assaulted that u are not alone and do not be afarid to stand up and say too urself u are no longer a victim but a survior, just because u have been hurt like me dosen't mean we can cry about it anymore, we are alieve and not dead aren't we? Then we are blessed to be surviors now, we need too pray for the person or persons who have done too this and not worry about the person or person who did this too us, but pray for them!!!, we need too take a stand and reach out too tothers andhelp them see the same things that we do, which is we are NO longer victims but surviors! I am so thankful that I am can now help ohers through this and too say that the good Lord has blessed me too live and tell others about my story so I can help them through this that they too might have had happend too them! This is the hardest thing that has happend too me, but I ma no longer afarid to share this with anyone because I am a SURIVOR NOT a victim any longer, I will NOT let my attacker get his pleasure by making me think this any longer!!! So if u have been through this u can message me and I can help u through this, but please realize this we are NO longer victims and we do NOT let too let our attacker or attackers make us think this way anymore!!

mysterygirlsky mysterygirlsky
26-30, F
5 Responses Feb 9, 2010

You are so, so very brave and courageous to share this. I am so sorry you endured this hell on earth. <br />
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I too was raped by three men when I was 18. I was living on the street at the time, and involved in the drug world. I remember sitting on the bench, and then falling asleep. When I awoke three men were in front of me. One was slapping tape over my mouth while another threw me over his shoulder. They were laughing and spoke in a foriegn lanuage. They took me to a secluded where I was beaten, raped, left nude, and humilated.<br />
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A couple of teenangers rescued me and phoned an ambulence. I remained in the hospital for a long time. <br />
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This happened in a city. I left when I was released travelled many miles to run away. To terrified to stay believing these men would find me and repeat it all over. <br />
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Three months later I discovered I was pregnant. Long and short of it all, I carried the baby full term then gave the him up for adoption. <br />
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I wish I could not relate to you. <br />
I wish I did not understand. but I sadly do. <br />
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I don't know you, but I am proud of you for having the strength to share such an intimate part of your life. I commend the way you so courageously use your voice to share your pain. <br />
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You are a survivor in ever sence of the word and I know how difficult it is to over come the imiages that apeared before your eyes and the sensations that are attached to these memories. <br />
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Thanks for speaking out in an effort to raise awareness. Take care.

Oh hunny, I'm so sorry all thi happened to you and that you are brave enough to open up about it to others, sounds like you have come out the stronger person from it all and I commend you for that. You have such a big heart.

I am so sorry for what you went through dear girl. I understand how that must have made you feel, and I hope you can see that just because things like this happened to you, you can survive if you keep trying...hugs to you and I hope writing this helped you remember how strong you really are, you are a survivor.

THANK YOU for taking time to share this experience. It's WONDERFUL of YOU to reach out to others! TAKE CARE!!!

Thanks for sharing. I hope this helps anyone who needs help. You are a very strong person, you have endured a lot. I respect you for still going on and trying to help.