So then who the hell am I? If I am not myself than who am I and what should I be? I am calm on the surface but beneath it all I am just a mess of emotions none of which I can describe clearly. Sometimes one feeling shouts louder than the rest but in the end I am still very much lost n,ot knowing my purpose or when I got off track. If time reveals all things, how long must I wait and what do I do in this waiting room?

I feel as if I am living my current life in a waiting room. When is anyone going to call my number and what on earth for??

SunnyI SunnyI
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 10, 2010

Perhaps you are thinking things through too much? Are there moments in your past or current place that make you feel conflicted? Where you are right now, is where most people I believe that have been in your age range, have been before. You are right where you are supposed to be. You are discovering you. You are recognizing what relationships make you feel whole, complete, intact, un-harmed and in the midst of this, you are finding the ones that hurt you, bring discomfort... and challenge you. There are catagorys to relationships too... for example: A friend that some times annoys you, but doesn't really make you feel conflicted is a friend you may want to step away from, from time to time. Come back to it feeling refreshed. Other relationships are lengthy in their challenges and at some point you have to determine if you want to spend the duration of your life feeling challenged by these individuals. I guess my belief system is that we are all Spirits on our journeys, teachers and students... and when you look at it from this perspective, it eases the journey, reminds us that it's ok to let go, yes, even of people that we call 'family'... accept the roles people play in your life (always), forgive (always), but recognize that in forgiving you don't have to stand by and be subjected further to things that make you feel conflicted. You aren't in a waiting room... you are in the wonderful journey of life. And... it's ok to cry, purge, sob, melt down... take a moment... but don't forget to stand up when you're done and count your blessings, be it that you know how to bake a cupcake for comfort measures or you have some really valuable and unique relationships in your life that do bring a sense of contentment to you. I have no idea if what I've said helps your cause, but... it's what came to mind when I read your note. Hang in their Sassy... life gets really awesome the longer you live it!