My Personal Story - To All The Female Feminist Haters!

I was brought up in a strict old school, Sicilian household. I was taught that I was supposed to be subservient.  I was not allowed to express my own opinion.  I didn't have any rights.

Both my brothers' education was paid for while I was encouraged to learn to cook and clean.  Although I had a high IQ and was very inquisitive, I was told I needed to learn domestic skills and that education was not important.  My sole role in life was to be a support to men.  Subsequently, my education was not paid for or encouraged.  

Both my brothers were not responsible for any domestic chores.  I was supposed to serve them, clean up after them and be happy about it.  They got to go out and have fun.  They got to date and sow their wild oats.  I was expected to remain a virgin until marriage.

Women in my culture took the responsibility for their brothers.  Some even sacrificed their life.  Yes, they didn't get married and sacrificed their life trying to financially support them while their brother's could be irresponsible.  However, because I didn't do so, I was labeled a rebel.  

I was also solely responsible for a man's response to me.  So yes, if I got raped,it was my fault.  I must have done something to encourage him. So I tried very hard not to be attractive but sometimes no matter how hard I tried I still came across as attractive to men and apparently it was MY fault.  I almost got raped when I was 17 and I was grounded for a year because of it.  

I thank feminism for giving me a voice.  No, they are not always right!  No, men are not always jerks.  And women are not better than men  But I am happy they gave me a voice.  I am happy that they gave me the me the opportunity for education and freedom of choice.  That I now know that I don't have to serve men and can be myself.

 I am a fairly traditional and ejoy nurturing children/ relationships and I like making my house a home.  But I also know that I can have opinions; I can have a career if I want and I can have choices and a voice.  

In some cases I think that feminism has gone too far.  When feminism puts down good men and says that they are inferior this is just ignorant.  But let us not forget all the wonderful things feminism has done for women too.  Let's just be balanced and agree that women and men are a partnership and complimentary.

Thank you!
lagatta lagatta
46-50, F
11 Responses Aug 14, 2012

<p>&nbsp;<p>omg god can I so relate to this, I too was raised to be the help mate, as a child! <br />
I was only girl among 6 kids at the time, like your brothers they were allowed to do what ever the hell they wanted to do ..</p><p>not having any parental guidance they became hell raisers ( stayed in trouble) I cooked, cleaned and was even a second mom to my siblings. I had no childhood </p><p>I see it as a form of abuse when a female child is made to be treated like a maid/nanny.</p><p></p>

I don't think my parents actually knew any better at the time. They have changed over the years! Unfortunately, however, it left a mark on our personalities. I'm far to self-sacrificing to my own detriment and my brother is too demanding and expected the same special treatment outside the home and had troubles conforming and adjusting to the world. So really, it wasn't good for either of us.

I think this was wonderfully expressed. Thank you for sharing this.

i find that feminist haters are easily eliminated from one's circle

celebrate yourself...bravo!

Somewhere along the way...feminism (the idea that we're all equal) seems to have morphed into femcentric thinking (women are MORE equal, thankya Orwell...).<br />
<br />
We all ought to be treated with dignity and respect, we all ought to have the same opportunity to succeed, regardless of what naughty bits we have.

I wholeheartedly agree!

Good for you !

Thank you!

Great story. This is the good side of feminism. I'm glad you shared. We are all to be treated as equals and be able to pursue any interest we so choose regardless of gender, race, religion or sexual orientation. The true challenge of future civilizations will to be how to deal with socioeconomic disparates that have nothing to do with the differences stated above, but everything to do with the resources available to you. The have's and have not's will be the last bastion of discrimination humanity will need to conquer if it is to evolve into a world worthy of our grandchildren to live in.

I agree and really hope the world evolves that way.

As a natural alpha I find that girls tend to love the aspects of me that society dictates as extream and harsh.... I find that I am the one typicaly GIVING....atention,affection ENERGY, while the aperance of things is skewed to apear as though I am the one taking... HOWEVER many "doms" are doing the same things with just a subtal shift in intent or desire and it turns ugly.... One must be carefull not to use someone that you care about MORE than what one can give..... So the real question(for me) is how much energy can I give and isTHAT worth the energy that I recive....

Tempolton... you're a good guy ;-)

RED, I am a naughty fellow, and just becuse I have moments of deacancy ....*grins* .... Does not mean that you should go around ruining my REPUTATION

Sorry... sorry... I meant you were rough, manly and dangerous. ;-P

LMAO ... So are you...

I completely laughed out loud...

no danger of that can be easily seen right through to your grit

3 More Responses

There are benifits and drawbacks to everything that is out of balance.... Usualy the benifits go to one and the drawbacks go to the other..... But SOMETIMES things are not what they seem.....* tips a metaphorical hat*


You have a very good point in that there are subtle patterns in society that often hinder women's choices in life. I note that you are quite young still, yet remember growing up in a situation where you were expected to sacrifice ba<x>sed on your sex so that your brothers could get an education. <br />
<br />
I think it is harder today to notice injustices on an individual level, but over all, inequity still exists. We still have a lot of forces against women's rights i.e. reproductive rights, pay equity (I've experienced pay inequity first hand). As well, young women (even pre-teens) are constantly encouraged to sexualize themselves, rather than develop their intelligence and abilities and be respected in that manner. Feminism is often a catalyst that can help ease pressure to conform to these stereotypes. <br />
<br />
As a submissive, non- feminist and career woman, I note that it is quite obvious that many top positions in government or companies are not proportionally represented by women. I could go on but you get the gist.<br />
<br />
I dislike extremes on either side. I cringe when I hear "femi-nazis" blame men for ridiculous things or blow an innocent comment out of proportion. But when I hear people say "feminism needs to be done away with because I've gotten what I need out of life" just highlights how far we still need to go. It's about choice, and having those choices protected and respected.<br />
<br />
As LadyRyan stated, it's becoming to be egoistical for both extremes..

I agree 100% RedRubies! There needs to be a balance between the sexes! My hope is that it will happen one day soon!

Thank you for sharing your story! The fact that you had these expectations on you growing up so recently should be a reminder that we still have a long way to go in regards to what women are expected to do. :-)

Ok... I laughed when I read "Limbaugh's ***". And I agree.

And that today young girls are feeling unjustly wanting to please sexually young men them is just proving that feminism is not working rightly for women.

Oh I feel terrible for the pressure young teens are under... it's a crazy world and they get pressured to grow up so fast :(

I know, right? It's really gross. My sister-in-law told me that young girls wear different brackets according to their sexual experience. These girls are only 13 yrs. old!!!

3 More Responses

I so believe in everything you've said. I think we all somehow can be reminded of the things we were unfairly treated, as inferior to men. I also have some of the things you had while growing up. Like, women in our clan doesn't have to pursue on higher education. Women have to stay at home and take care of the house and children. I have had seen my mother serve my father like a king when he's at home. And so much more. <br />
But Things has taught me a lot, about equality and kindness. I love taking care of my family and at the same time, doing things for myself to be happy as an individual. Rather being influenced by what is trendy, I see myself looking at the pitfalls. Going through all, not only the positives, but also the negatives. Though I have nothing against the Feminist, having the universal banner for human rights in general. But this things are just getting too far. And it's becoming to be egoistical for both extremes.

I agree feminism has gone too far; but it is helped us get us to where we are we are today! We now have choices and we can now chose to be career women or stay at home at homes moms. Anyone who thinks a stay at home mother is inadequate is truly not a Feminist. We should have choice. Although like I said, I am more traditional and would prefer to stay at home with the children because I am truly better with them!