Maybe I need to change myself..

Even when I get over self esteem issues that may be holding me back, or even when I get really close to someone and we've been friends forever. I still get confused and have trouble talking to them sometimes. I cause so much trouble just, because, well I don't know. Conversations never go how I expect them to, in the way that.. I almost want something different from people. I mean, that sounds a bit ironic, concluding that yeah it is different because it's not what I expect. However, what I expect is actually the diverse, the capable, the outstanding, and what I get is conformed, lacking ideas, or usually venting or uncaring people? Something like that. I should stop expecting more of people cause either way I'm still looking for difference and maybe my specific expectations are limiting that difference itself.

Everyone's so alike though, maybe I'm crazy, but so what that's who I am when I'm happy and taking care of myself. That's my individuality. I don't mind people, but it's a struggle talking to some, it takes too much effort, more than a single conversation should... Small talk takes effort on my part! Not with everyone mind you, I do have some prty amazing friends that it surprises me how easy they're to talk to, and we have a lot of fun. But I get bored with it. I get bored with the same way things are done. Over and over yet always appealing to the general masses. Maybe it's because the new generations keep it refeshing with they're naive exposure to it over and over again as children are born. Maybe I'm getting old.. but I only just turned 18, which is still very young and inexperienced in itself.

I'm just bored. I don't need something sick and twisted to refresh that bored outlook on what was once but is no longer origional. They came out with a bunch of psycho torture movies like Saw, it worked only because it was a shock. People were grasping towards the disturbing for origionality and it only began to encourage it. It's a little bit unsettling in itself to find more self more or less uneffected by love stories anymore, or dramtic expressions. I almost prefer foriegn shows and movies just for the comfort of something new and done differently, in fact I find they're products much more creative. Regardless this same feeling is reaching into my everyday life, with everyday people. Thousands of them, just living their lives, I hope to find somebody spectaclur soon...

I'm just.. The more I understand reality the more I think I'm disappointed. 

imustbecrazy imustbecrazy
18-21
6 Responses Feb 15, 2010

WOW<br />
You sure do put yourself down<br />
But i really see absolutely NO reason whatsoever to condemn you or blow your esteem!<br />
You are so very gifted and talented with a pen! Its like the words wind around and around in a twist and just wrap themselves around your pen and drip onto the paper. . . . . .

WOW<br />
You sure do put yourself down<br />
But i really see absolutely NO reason whatsoever to condemn you or blow your esteem!<br />
You are so very gifted and talented with a pen! Its like the words wind around and around in a twist and just wrap themselves around your pen and drip onto the paper. . . . . .

WOW<br />
You sure do put yourself down<br />
But i really see absolutely NO reason whatsoever to condemn you or blow your esteem!<br />
You are so very gifted and talented with a pen! Its like the words wind around and around in a twist and just wrap themselves around your pen and drip onto the paper. . . . . .

WOW<br />
You sure do put yourself down<br />
But i really see absolutely NO reason whatsoever to condemn you or blow your esteem!<br />
You are so very gifted and talented with a pen! Its like the words wind around and around in a twist and just wrap themselves around your pen and drip onto the paper. . . . . .

WOW<br />
You sure do put yourself down<br />
But i really see absolutely NO reason whatsoever to condemn you or blow your esteem!<br />
You are so very gifted and talented with a pen! Its like the words wind around and around in a twist and just wrap themselves around your pen and drip onto the paper. . . . . .

WOW<br />
You sure do put yourself down<br />
But i really see absolutely NO reason whatsoever to condemn you or blow your esteem!<br />
You are so very gifted and talented with a pen! Its like the words wind around and around in a twist and just wrap themselves around your pen and drip onto the paper. . . . . .