Maneater? Or Gold Digger?

I am probably one of the most self-conscious and insecure females that I know. I am gregarious in nature but often fear of being garrulous, so have a propensity to keep quite around men. But this has been often mistaken for being cold and aloof, when this clearly was not my intention, I would rather like to be somewhat mysterious.

I find that, many of my gf's are reluctant to introduce me to their bf's, even though they all know I would never try to seduce their bf's.

I also dress quite conservatively, (high-end couture ofcourse), I have never worn a bikini to the beach, only to girl's-only pool party's. Nor have I ever dressed in a way that would be deemed as being risque as I greatly fear this would arouse the wrath of my diabolic muslim, family. Yet I have often been subject to remarks such as "Why can't you fully cover yourself, you draw attention. Is that what you want, people to say we raised a ****? Don't you realise you are of marriageable age, and there are people that are going to be scrutinising you and our family".

I am also very "polite" and rarely converse in a suggestive manner with guys. I rarely partake in  lewd jokes (which is quite difficult as most 19/20 year old talk about sex very frequently). 

 I am very aware of the fact that because of my religion, overbearing strict parents, arranged marriage and the many "spies" (mom's gossip fiend friends) that lurk so as to ensure my chastisty I will not be allowed to form a any relationships with guys so I never go further than indulging in harmless flirting yet I am called a "**** tease" and "I bet she is a gold digger" which I find greatly derogatory!!

So this is a conundrum, far unanswered; I am deemed as being a temptress/ "maneater" when my behaviour is most contrary to that of a seductress. I openly profess that I am very inquisitve of all things erotic and do admire women that hold power over men, but I could never emulate myself to the great sex-sirens like that of Sofia Loren and Raquel- it is a nice thought but I have so many flaws and unresloved feelings of inadequacies that I fall short of capturing the true essence of the temptress.

So please shed some light as to how I may reinstate my reputation or should I just let it fall on deaf ears.

 

umathena umathena
18-21, F
12 Responses May 22, 2007

You have to explore yourself and your sexuality more, nobody will know... I wont tell ; )<br />
<br />
Kiss

I understand how you feel because I may share the same problem as you seem to have here.<br />
<br />
I'm also born in a muslim family, grounded heavily by familial values. I share the same behaviour in public as you do and what you said is exactly how most guys perceived it. a bit cold and aloof.<br />
<br />
I'm a whole lot more insecure due to the fact that I kind of draw attention when I don't have the things that you consider attractive like clothes (lucky you), body, etc. But even if you do fully covered yourself, it's not hard to see that you have a good body shape and flawless skin like most Arabs do. which has no relation to me whatsoever. lolz<br />
<br />
But what befuddled most guys is that.. I'm too plain and normal looking to be the type to seduce or attract them, so they don't treat me harshly. Thank god..<br />
But still they end up ogling/falling. <br />
<br />
girls criticizing your flaws right in the open is a right pain when you're trying to concentrate on not to be noticed or be happy for something you did. <br />
So it is just easier to laugh it off or feign ignorance.<br />
<br />
Laughter is the best medicine still.

I know that pretty girls suffer from others jealousy and fears.<br />
If you're the quiet type, as a lot of pretty girls are, then they assume stuff about you too and a lot of time they won't include you. Hang on. One day you will grow in confidence and trust in yourself. Others will see that and some will stop fearing the beauty that they see, and love the girl's true self that is within.<br />
One day, you will shine like the sun. Bless you!

What if you leave? What if you just get on a plane and go away, begin anew, work hard, and make your own dreams come true on your own? Your situation sounds like a lot others I have known. You cannot change them, and they will always find something to criticize. No matter what. Could you live without these people?

As man reaching the closing stages of life's race i say..TRY EVERYTHING ONCE...dont live with regrets. Dont worry make y/self happy.

Hi,<br />
<br />
too bad.

This is what I was taught in finishing school during college:<br />
<br />
You can dress high end and in attractive color with physically flattering lines, without letting T and A be the focal points. <br />
<br />
Always wear clothing that does not wear YOU but that YOU wear. <br />
<br />
All the color and design should flatter and bring the beholder's eye to the FACE first and then to the figure in balance. In other words: <br />
<br />
Do not make a focus on breasts, waist, hips or legs UNLESS this is needed in a photo shoot that has some reason to focus on theses points of the figure. <br />
<br />
The TOTAL look in blance is important. Whatever looks good about your body, should be equally <br />
admired but if a part is not that wonderful, you can wear something that makes it look better or less obvious. <br />
<br />
Learn to move with ease and grace. <br />
<br />
Move with your pelvis slightly tucked foreward and your buttocks tucked in.<br />
<br />
Your shoulders held back slightly and your tummy flat. <br />
<br />
Walk smoothy with the weight of your body centered from the top of the head through the mid shoulders to the mid pelivis, like a good dancer holds themselves as they move.<br />
<br />
The voice culture and cadence are important. Learn to speak a little slower than is natural, especially when talking on a speaker or telephone.<br />
<br />
Natural looking make-up is usually prefered for day-time because outside ight and interior artificial lighting accent color and power texture. Save the dramatic for evening wear, when the lighting is very faint. <br />
<br />
With any interaction, let the listener know that you are serious about being the best that you can be, and that you make efforts to allow or assist others in being their best. <br />
<br />
You may be put to the test on this and if you live up to your words, you will have a friend. <br />
<br />
Study humor and practice using it, even if you have a natural wit, because a study of humor will allow you to pick appropriate things for the moment, and it will catapult you to the top of any group inwhich you find yourself. <br />
<br />
Learn to be organized in the kitchen.<br />
Find several entree's, several salads, <br />
several desserts that you like. Get the recipes, practice these. All other items can be done by your local caterer.<br />
<br />
When you have friends, they will be at your house now and then, and you will have something nice to cook for them.<br />
<br />
You will have something nice to take to their parties. <br />
<br />
Learn about health, and practice healthful living. It will make you a better mother or (if no children come) a better aunt, neighbor and friend. <br />
<br />
It will cut down on illnesses and depression.<br />
<br />
Know the basics of religion, politics and your countries history.<br />
<br />
Keep up on voting issues.<br />
<br />
Read several books a month and include items of interest, currant affairs, and trends. <br />
<br />
As a woman, you will be part of the 10 percent that actually make financial preparation, if you begin a CD and put some money into stock in a 401 K and put aside a trust fund for each child. <br />
<br />
Social security will not be available for your generation and even now the average American will get approximately 700 dollars a month with retirement. <br />
<br />
What on earth can you do with only 700 dollars? Medication alone will cost the average person over 60 300 a month.<br />
<br />
These things will set onto a road of success. <br />
<br />
Sincerely, <br />
<br />
R

I'm sorry for your struggle in this situation. Sadly you are inbetween two worlds, trying to maintain your dignity with respect to your culyure and sadly that other women are probably sadly jealous of you. Maintain what is true to your heart, eventually i hope people will see the TRUTH. I respect your ability to fit into 2 diff't worlds, it must be beyonf frustrating, Be PROUD of yourself, you are amn amazing example of what true inner and outer beauty is, as for *others* you can not change them, you can only adjust how you re-act to their silly behaviour!1 Hold your head up high and know that in many ways you are a positive role model, well at least i think you are!!

It sounds like you are just naturally attractive. The boys you hang out with say nasty things because boys are dismissive of things they want but cannot have. The girls who are insecure to meet their boyfriends are just that, insecure. Maybe one day you will learn to treat this as a gift instead of a curse?

Unfortunately, I don't think the ears will be deaf. You care about what they say so it will bother you, as it bothers your family and friends. Its the culture that you are in. Personally, there is nothing wrong with a woman being a temptress, seductress, maneater, whatever you want to call it. And in most cases i would say more power to you, enjoy it. But I don't think that you are 'allowed' to enjoy it in your culture.

Judging by your story, I think you may have that NATURAL finesse and grace that is a rare find. You could probably dress in a turttle neck top, skirt to your ankles, and wader boots, but still manage to attract a man's eye. It's a natural "air, grace, and attitude" that very few people can carry off. But some can. If you are one of these women, this is your blessing and cursing! No matter how VIRTUOUS you try to be, women will always be jealous of you, and men will always be oogling you! If YOU know you are staying Pure or Right in your heart and mind... then others' attitudes shouldn't matter. Their jealousy or lust ISN'T pure. Coarse, I realize, knowing that and DEALING with their attitudes can be 2 different things! So, good luck to you! Enjoy this Natural ability!

This is good that you dress conservative, Women don't want men to treat them as sex ob<x>jects, yet look at the way they dress, knowing that men are visual about a woman's body.