Sorry, But...

A few months ago I would have thought this a horrible statement to make. I have been in such a low place so many times where I didnt understand how someone could turn me away because they couldnt cope. But sometimes it is what has to be done.

 

When you go into this therapy full time, there is a support network established. Ideally, programs like this should be in patient, but the NHS doesnt budget for that so people cant be there all the time. So we use text, phone and physical support. Outside of the time you are in there you can text others, if you're bad you can ring, and if there is something big happening two or more people can come see you (never just one to one). Everything has to be brought back to the group so no one is too attached to another person, and no one feels overwhelmed by the amount of support they have to give.

At the end of every day there is a slot where you can ask for outside support, say that you might need to text or call someone, or meet for coffee. In that time there is also a slot to say if you cannot offer support. No one judges you for that, its just you saying you have too much in your head to even think about anothers. And thats not selfish, its best for everyone in that senario, any advice given by someone feeling particularly delicate is not going to be sound.

 

So, here it is. I wont be free to give support. I will need it, but I cannot give it. I will be selfish and horrible, and some of you might feel rejected or overlooked, but tough. This is best not only for me, but for you too.

 

That doesnt mean I wont do what I can if you're in crisis, but if you need to talk there are hundreds of open ears on here. If your really want to talk to me in particular, maybe ask first if I am free for that sort of chat. Obviously I can still support my friends in minor ways, still talk about their days or minor problems. But I cannot hold your life in my hands because Im only bearly clinging to mine.

Im sorry

Tesse Tesse
18-21, F
6 Responses Mar 8, 2009

i love you split :)<br />
-hugs-

Sometime in our lives we all have pain<br />
We all have sorrow<br />
But if we are wise we know that there's<br />
Always tomorrow<br />
<br />
Lean on me when you're not strong and<br />
I'll be your friend<br />
I'll help you carry on<br />
For it won't be long till I'm gonna need<br />
Somebody to lean on<br />
<br />
Please swallow your pride if I have things<br />
You need to borrow<br />
For no one can fill those of your needs<br />
that you won't let show<br />
<br />
Just call on me brother when you need a hand<br />
We all need somebody to lean on<br />
I just might have a problem that you'd understand<br />
We all need somebody to lean on<br />
<br />
Lean on me when you're not strong<br />
And I'll be your friend<br />
I'll help you carry on<br />
For it won't be long till 'm gonna need<br />
Somebody to lean on <br />
<br />
Just call on me brother when you need a hand<br />
We all need somebody to lean on<br />
I just might have a problem that you'd understand<br />
We all need somebody to lean on<br />
<br />
If there is a load you have to bear<br />
That you can't carry<br />
I'm right up the road, I'll share your load<br />
if you just call me <br />
<br />
Just call me when you need a friend<br />
Just call me when you need a friend...

thanks. but i dont have many people by my side any more. and it hurts.

everyone. it just feels like ive been forgotten by everyone. i dont need space. i need to be held up. but i feel bad asking for that, as if people were able or willing to do it then they would, but theyre not. and i can give nothing in return.

but im getting hurt by everyone because no one is making an effort to contact me. and im too tired and paranoid and hurt to contact them. so i just feel rejected. and another friendship ends.

thanks...... its not even that i cant offer support. i cant offer conversation. at most i can ask how you are or give a hug. im scared of losing all my friends because i dont have it in me to make the effort to keep them.