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Just The Opposite.

I am not good at making friends. Not real friends who want to hear my story and tell me theirs, and then maintain a friendship that evolves into regular supportive communication.

I have been a member of EP. for approximately 16 months now, and my circle of friends is still very small, smaller right now because I just dropped several circle members who.......well, were just that, circle members.

I wonder if I expect too much from my friends. I only expect to get as much as I give, and I have given heart and soul to many people on this site.

I, like every other member, have my own reasons for being here, and things that I want from my experience here, and things I would prefer to avoid.

I have explained many times what I consider a good friend, and I have found a small group of circle members who seem to naturally respond to
 me and the friendship I offer.

I have described how I would like to have a circle of 20 friends who see EP. friendship in much the same way that I do. I know that they exist. I have a few very definite ones in what is left of my circle. I have also had several others who fitted the bill perfectly, but sadly have either left EP. or for whom real life has happily become much more fulfilling, for the latter group I am truly happy. I grieve the loss of the friends who i've lost in the former group.

I have easily met twenty people or more here on EP. who would make that perfect 20, just never all at the same time.

What spurred me to write this post, was taking a look around my circle, and realising just how many members were just dead weight.

I feel a little sad that my circle is now so reduced, but the ex members were never going to enhance my dream of 20 so what can be done, I don't blame the dropped circle members. They did no wrong and were all nice enough people, we were just never really a match, that happens, I thank them all for at least giving me a try.

What is a little eerie about all this, is that EP. is beginning to mirror real life.
So many friends passed away, so many lost in the confusion of life's traumas, and upheavals. will I, as in real life be left with just one Nigel?
And if I am, will it be my fault for having unrealistic expectations?

The problem here is, I am not a superficial person. I struggle with meaningless chit chat, I find it shallow, and tiresome. Let's be honest, if that was what any of us were looking for we'd be on Facebook not EP.

As in RL I shall carry on, as long as there are a handful of Nigels in my circle I will continue with my experience project.

Having read through this post, it sounds very doom laden. If I were a surfing member of EP. I don't think I would hang around.
There is none of my usual humour in this post, no upbeat message, no little jokes or innuendo's. I would like to think not a lot of the usual Ari.

So please, if you know me, make a positive comment, to encourage surfing members to read some of my other stuff. just to get a balanced view.

Who knows they may be the missing MAGNIFICENT 7.

AlmostAristotle AlmostAristotle 61-65, M 10 Responses Jul 10, 2012

Your Response


Yes, Ari, it is eerie how EP friendships mirror RL. The longer I'm here on EP, the more true your observation becomes. Folks here may sneer at this, but digital friendship is just as valid as 3D friendship. Ok, we can't feel the warmth of each other's skin, or catch a whiff of each other's scent. There isn't any body language. Most of the sensory cues we use to evaluate a friend are not translated when we're just reading a screen on an electronic device.
The remarkable ability we do have is to respond to the written word. Just consider how powerfully a book can transpose us. Is reading our friends' stories here any different? We are moved by them. We empathize, laugh, feel the emotional connection as directly as if they were sitting right next to you. And, yes, friendships forged online often culminate in actual 3D meeting each other!

"Digital friendship" I like that. Although it hints at you being composed of bits and bytes, rather than flesh, bone and emotions. Are your devices compatible with mine?
I wonder if it is because of the lack of the physical clues, expression, body language and tone of voice, that people are able to indulge in gratuitous nastiness online.

The longer our digital friendships last the more we come to trust each other, and thus to share with each other. Gradually we develop a deeper understanding and level of comfort with each other jusr as in real life.

How rude ..

Who is being rude, and to whom?

This heat is killing me .. at this rate I wont be here tomorrow :(

Ari, you're a "real" person. Not filled with all the fake nicey-nice that sometimes floats around. But the "Nice" you got is 100% sincere and real and that makes you both rare and oh soooo valuable as a friend. I've been buddies with you for well over a year now and I've learned from you, been inspired by you, cried for you and laughed with you. That a LOT more then I can say I've done with some "friends" I deal with in real time sometimes....Folks can be phoney on either side of these screens.<br />
<br />
Real isn't always happy but it is always solid and brings with it a sense of solid secutity that only a real friend can offer..... You ARE always that very real friend....and a darn good one too. <br />
<br />
I LOVE that jacee and ricki are also on here cause they are 2 more of the most REAL peeps on this site!! Jacee would be an awesome addition to your circle!!! AWESOME peeps... all of you!! ♥

Can you pop over and crop my circle . I am too lazy :(

Not until you read the other story.
Yes I know it's hard to find but.....well........but.

They don't have to be constantly upbeat. They just need to be constant friends.<br />
People who write interesting stories that I can relate to and comment on, and who like to read my stories, and maybe look at my pics.<br />
Life hasn't brought me down yet, and it's had a bloody good try.

That's why I wanted to be your friend. I admire that you never lost your power although life threw so many stones in your way.

Thank you for that Ricki.

What can I say, life isn't always funny and if you want to get circle members who are only upbeat, they usually are not genuine. <br />
The only 2 persons I know here on ep who seem to be upbeat most of the time and whom I believe are my beloved Sierra and my beloved Dreed but even from those 2 brilliant and dear friends I know that there are dark moments in their lifes. It's the attitude that counts. Don't give life and circumstances the chance to bring you down.<br />
<br />
Can you cope with a Gemini? My mood is like a ride on a roller coaster but I try to be positive most of the time. Send me a message any time you feel like and I will respond.

I'm not in your circle Ari, but I have always enjoyed reading your stories and seeing your photos. They are absolutely gorgeous.<br />
<br />
Anyone would be lucky to have you in their circle.

Ricki you are a dear sweet friend who has stayed with me despite me occasionally neglecting you for a while.<br />
I intend to do better in future. PC permitting.

Oh dear Ari! I hope you let me stay in your circle forever. I tidied my nest too.