What Bothers Me Is Not The Lack Of Attention. It'S Way More Complciated Than That

it's the way my relationships always end up the way they are right now. This through no fault of my own.

As far as historical perspective is concerned I'm getting better and better at knowing what i want and it's safety and freedom to  unfurl and really get emeshed with someone. People would call it clingy except I'm not riddled with attachment anxiety. that is to say when people need space it doesn't really bother me but when they don't I tend to want to just lay aorund and waste DAYS away with them

I met dani about mid december last year and I was writing her about astrology and estoretic topics and she's well appraised of them and well what's happened is more or less not that we cybered and I told her I was moving VERY close to her because of my families relocation  and the whole thing broke down in the middle of the damn process so I more or less not told her it didn't matter because I wanted HER not to **** her and i'd never EVER hold it against her.

Well over time I've been learning about her boyfriend and YES I knew this going in but you know how it is. I don't have that many boundaries and I hate being restrained that way. I didn't know MUCH about the guy but I didn't understand how I could get the kinds of replies she sends me if she's really "Sure"

and this situation has drifted until she laid her foot down and demanded platonic attachment and that's fine as soon as I broke out of the haze she had me under but I've slowly realized she keeps herself distant from me simply because I make it difficult to breathe and stay loyal to her man.

I'm not unloved. I 'm loved too damn much and yet deprived of the affection.

I have ANOTHER in florida who is STILL Wearing the wolf necklaces I got her 2 or 3 years ago in some kind of display of loyalty to me that presist to this very day and refuses to permanently shut me out because of how close she was but she got involved with some jerk who is sLOWLY falling apart and yet is TOO busy to write me often. Yes. Tristin. The unmentionable. We made...up... it never seems to go anywhere but I'm off TRYING my luck elsewhere while paul continues to **** up time after time and be forgiven

you don't understand how complicated this makes FINDING another partner when everything is stuck in these AWKWARD spaces when people KNOW.

I've let go. I've given freedom. I've moved the **** on . I've moved forward and yet it seem like the more **** changes the more it stays EXACTLY THE SAME

I would tell em all to **** off IF I EVEN FELT MAD.  I Would seek advice if I knew I would take it but all they'd tell me to do is cut both threads and run like hell and i'm strong enough to do it, I feel I've MORE than  proved it but now I just feel like i don't even want to.

I'd rather just keep moving and see what happens.