Should We Know Our Lover's Past

In life we endure different lessons, most of them of our own design and some well these come from our encounters. Sometimes people get into relationships with the best of intentions thinking that any mistakes we might have made in the past we can do better or even avoid. Take for instance my first marriage, we had decided that before we get married we would tell each other everything about ourselves. Not just about who we were but the more intimate things about sex, experiences everything. The fact is that we do this in hopes that we can measure up or excceed each others prior experiences. We did this knowing well about emotional baggage and always involving alcohol during these extreme intimate conversations. At first these led to some of the most passionate encounters a couple could ever have, but it also set us up for commitments that we probably should have never made. As men we like to think that we are better than the last guy because your woman just opened her personal history to us and we think that this means we can always have our way. This could not be further from the truth. All this information becomes is amo when the relationship goes south. I personally went thru this. Let me put it into perspective, if your lady says she does not mind giving you a ******* and when she does she rocks your world, how do you think she became that good at it. There are no books to teach this, this is learned by doing, if you know how to honestly please a woman to the point where she trembles or faints from the experience. She's going to wonder how you became so good, how many women have you been with. This is why telling each other everything is a bad idea. Relationships are like onion peels it takes time to learn about each other and every time you peel a layer you find out something more about your partner. You just should not rush it. Take something as intimate as the use of vibrators which your lady might have and enjoy. This is something she has enjoyed by herself and now may want to share this experience with you, even more personal let's say she has experience anal sex and is ready to share this experience with you. At this time she has two options, wheather to lie to you about her knowledge or tell you how many times she has done this.Just don't, accept her interest in this and welcome it. For a fact you may be in for one of the wildest rides of your life and if you see that she likes it then make sure that you let her know that anytime she feels this way you welcome it. This will build up her confidence in sharing things with you and will also build her trust in you. The lesson here is that when two people engage in a relationship it takes time to figure out the quirks. If there is something you would like, then let her know what you want don't ask if she has done it of if she even likes it. What I have found is that a partner that loves you is more likely to share an experience with you out of love than out of pressure. About the only time a conversation should happen is when it involves something dynamically different, for example wife swaping, ********** (MFM/FMF) this kind experience changes everything in a relationship. My first FMF ecounter ws a trainwreck and it distroyed my marriage because it was wrapped in lies and alcohol, 18 years later I find myself down a similar path. This time it involves MFM and the fact that that I let my wife know that this did interest me. We spoke about it like most everything we do. We had this discssion clean and sober. My wife asked e why I felt this way, I replied that during our intimate encounters and pillow talk I had noticed that she like certain things such as my playing with her *** and the fact that she did enjoy PD during intercourse with the use of her toys. So I thought an encounter of this kind would be something we both would enjoy. What I found out was revealing, my wife had thought of it but she said she didn't bring it up because she tought I may not be mature enough to handle it. She shared that she had done it before and that she did enjoy it greatly, but ran into trouble when her last husband bacame jealous of her and his own insecurities took over to then force her to do it when he wanted and not when she did. To be frank it did hurt my feelings some when she said that but knowing my self and my past experinces I can see why she feels this way. So in our conversation she let me know that her fears are that she might enjoy the experience so much that even though it includes me that I may not be able to handle it because it can become something she may want to do more often even to the point where instead of saving it for special occasions it became something she may need more of even on a weekly basis. I still want the experience but we shelved it for now. I was thankfull we had this conversation but lesson lies in the fact that it happened with time and with trust and like an onion it's another layer we have striped away.
Timelessman Timelessman
51-55, M
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

What u just said there is very ture. It takes trust and honesty a. B comfortable with a person to open up like that :))