Can't Or Won't...

I dont really believe i can be loved.
I mean- how can anyone like- nevermind love- someone so negative and miserable and depressed and stupid and horrific.

I find it hard pretty much keeping friends cause- well- basically- they get sick of my depressiveness.

I used to pretend to be happy. Just so people would stay a little longer- but i gave that up years ago. If you don't accept my moods and my utter hatred for life- then f--- you, really, yeah.... I can't help who i am, i don't like who i am but its tough isnt it.....

I mean i have my super hipper moments too- but hardly often- as when i was in college or even at home- when i am happy and hipper i get the 'whats wrong with you' line alot. Basically cause it's unusual for me to be like that.
But unless the certain person just makes me smile and laugh (its not that hard to do, really, i laugh alot if theres something funny, its just there rarely is anything to smile at cause people give up on me..) or if the person gets me and lives with me being depressed.....

I'm a weird person. I'm moody, and grumpy and irritable and stupid and fidgetty and picky and can't make up my mind, totally clueless, horribly too loud singing with my not so good voice, loud whispers, weird laugh, **** habbits....
OKAY.
well i could list a ton, but i'll save my negativity for now, cause listening to 'love is easy' by Mcfly, kinda okay mood right now....
brokenalways brokenalways
18-21, F
Dec 7, 2012