What Is Wrong With Me?

I think I'm fat. I don't have an eating disorder though, I just think I'm fat. I rarely, if ever voice my opinions of myself though because I feel it is insensitive. I know I'm not as overweight as some people who have no control over their weight. I know there are people with major health concerns due to their weight (I live in the same household as some). I know there are some people who wish they could be my size. So why am I unhappy?

Why do I hate any and every picture taken of me? Why do I feel so fat? Is my brain mis-wired? I don't want to be a skinny stick... It probably isn't even possible for me to be a skinny stick, I have natural curves.

Why do I continue to buy clothes that are too big for me? The pants I'm wearing were purchased in February. They were slightly big then... Now I have to wear a belt with them. I can take them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. Apparently I'm losing weight. I don't look unhealthy though, in fact I feel much better.

Family members who haven't seen me for years instantly ask me if I've lost weight... I don't know I'm not keeping track. I must be though.

The funny part to this is I was more secure with myself before than I am now. Why? What has happened psychologically to make me so insecure when the loss of weight should make me feel more secure?

Now what? How do I fix this?

Why am I still purchasing a Juniors size 13 jean when they obviously don't fit me?

When shopping why do I automatically assume that a large will be too small so I grab an extra large just in case when in reality I should grab a medium?

I'm sorry I feel this way. I don't want to.

Mello Mello 26-30, F 22 Responses May 27, 2008

Your Response


You can wear me. : )


Yes ma'am!

I need a black bikini and matching hat.

You sure? Cause his mouth gets all watery when he looks at me...


I'm the consistency of cottage cheese. :P Cottage cheese and sausage for breakfast!

No onle looks good under those lights... especially the pale and ghostly complected.

Mirrors lie to me. :( Especially dressing room mirrors!!!

:P I have the current convenience of not fussing with a button or zipper. *blush* Hooray for belts!!!! (that are still a bit too big)

Aye.... Clothes aren't cheap. Especially the ones that fit perfectly. :)

When I was a kid my mom would buy me boys clothes because they were cheaper... maybe that's why I like my pants so loose...

Exactly!!! Feel all good about getting smaller pants... and then you get big again!!!

Hehe. Although tht makes me feel like a bad person, that you all have to reassure me... I'm not seeking attention, but I fell like someone could think I am and that would make me sad.

If not...we'll just keep telling you over and over :)

Thank you bobbert.

Now I just need to tell myself the same things you are all telling me.


Thank you Blue.

You are losing weight because you have gone vegan Darlin.

Let me also add that you are the sexiest woman on the face of the earth. I should know, I've seen the curves close up.

I've got the recent pictures and you my Dear, Are stunning.

Thanks! hehe. (to all of ya)

I guess I kinda know I'm not fat... Kinda... Well... I know I'm not morbidly obese. :) The trick here will be getting myself thinking correctly...

Me too :)

Weight gain is very often the result of an emotional response to something that may go back to childhood. In my case it was my crappy relationship with my Dad. I only figured it out this year. I still see myself as really fat even though I don't have that much left to lose. It will probably stick me for the rest of my life.

I have tons of sympathy for anyone who struggles with this. Self image can be the hardest thing to change.

Thank you for your concerns Em! :) Honestly, at one point in time I did try starving myself. I even tried to make myself throw up after normal meals. It never worked though. I don't know why. I wasn't trying to be anorexic or bulimic really... This was many many years ago. I never sad anything about it before.

The fact that I THINK I am fat really does worry me. I suppose I need to find a way to change my thinking patterns.

Fungirl, now the trick is beating the mental thing. Whoever beats it first is obligated to tell the other how they did it. Deal?

Becoming a vegitarian prob. does explain the current loss. :) Good for you! However, I want to caution: THINKING you are fat, even while physically and visibly you are not,.... can LEAD TO eatting disorders. I hope you can keep a possitive outlook on your image, and definately do not seek to use weight loss as a management of control. I wish you well on this Mello! Truely... Embrace your Curves, girl! ;) Many men would be honored to! lol

Mello, I do the same thing as I am losing weight. I still walk into a store to the PLUS SIZE women's section and I will pull the largest size off the rack to try on. I know that isn't me anymore but something mentally makes me do it because it took me almost 18 months to be able to go to a Lane Bryant to buy clothes bc I was so large. I do the same thing with shoes. I say bring me out your largest size and I will work my way down. It is a mental thing Mello.

No... I'm actually in control of everything going on in my life except my current living situation, which is soon to change. The most recent weight loss is due to a change in diet (veganism).

Although that does make a lot of sense Miss Em. Especially when I think back not so far to a time period when I felt I had no control at all.

I hear loosing weight is one thing a person might use against themselves for "control" when things are going haywire in their lives. Are you having issues with home, yourself, or others that you feel OUT OF CONTROL with??