What Is Wrong With Me?
I think I'm fat. I don't have an eating disorder though, I just think I'm fat. I rarely, if ever voice my opinions of myself though because I feel it is insensitive. I know I'm not as overweight as some people who have no control over their weight. I know there are people with major health concerns due to their weight (I live in the same household as some). I know there are some people who wish they could be my size. So why am I unhappy?
Why do I hate any and every picture taken of me? Why do I feel so fat? Is my brain mis-wired? I don't want to be a skinny stick... It probably isn't even possible for me to be a skinny stick, I have natural curves.
Why do I continue to buy clothes that are too big for me? The pants I'm wearing were purchased in February. They were slightly big then... Now I have to wear a belt with them. I can take them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. Apparently I'm losing weight. I don't look unhealthy though, in fact I feel much better.
Family members who haven't seen me for years instantly ask me if I've lost weight... I don't know I'm not keeping track. I must be though.
The funny part to this is I was more secure with myself before than I am now. Why? What has happened psychologically to make me so insecure when the loss of weight should make me feel more secure?
Now what? How do I fix this?
Why am I still purchasing a Juniors size 13 jean when they obviously don't fit me?
When shopping why do I automatically assume that a large will be too small so I grab an extra large just in case when in reality I should grab a medium?
I'm sorry I feel this way. I don't want to.