Sex Is Healthy

I grew up in a family that had pretty strong Catholic values, at least from my mom's side, so I was indoctrinated with the usual Catholic teachings: "sex is to be had only by married couples," "sex out of wedlock is a prohibited," "sex is only for procreation," the list goes on. My mom actually caught me ************ one time when I was going through puberty and you'd think I had murdered someone given how she reacted!

As I neared confirmation, I had to attend a couple of church retretes with the rest of my confirmation class. One of these retretes was run by a group of students from a nearby Catholic college. It was actually quite a lot of fun and the students did a really good job of getting the point across that just because you've been taught that something is "right" doesn't mean that you have to believe it. That lead me to ask in a discussion group "if sex is only supposed to be utilitarian (i.e. for procreation) then why did God make if feel so good?" We got into a pretty good discussion about this (at least from the perspective of teenagers) but never came up with a good answer. I've since heard things like "it's so that you'll want to have kids," but as an unmarried woman in my 30's, I now know that it isn't my ****** that makes me want kids, but different hormonal feelings altogether.

The retreat actually got me really interested in studying religion, the influences religion has on culture, and the similarities and differences between the world's religions. I took a couple of comparative religion classes in college and I've actually read the Bible, not because I felt it was my "Catholic duty," but because I was genuinely interested in it from a scholarly perspective. One thing that I noticed is that the Bible is really good at leaving things open for interpretation. The Bible is pretty clear that husband and wife should share themselves with each other for the purpose of creating offspring, but it is less clear on whether is is right or wrong to engage in similar acts when the intent is otherwise.

Most people reference teaching on adultery when referring to sex outside of marriage, but the definition of an adulterer is a married person having a sexual relation with someone other than his or her spouse. Therefore sex between two unmarried people is technically not adultery. Beyond that, most interpretations are based on the "sexual immorality" references mentioned throughout, but I don't recall ever seeing a clear definition of what "sexual immorality" actually means. The interpretations on ************ even more vague since the element of having offspring "outside the family structure" is removed; it becomes more of an argument we are "God's servants" and should not be acting for our own indulgences but for the good of all of us.

While I do still identify as Catholic, I don't see myself as a very religious person. I do see the Bible as offering a good moral code to follow, but I prefer to take a rather loose interpretation of it.

When it comes to sex, I take a more hedonistic view: sex should be about one's own pleasure and the sharing of that pleasure with those we love. I look to the scientific research that shows that ******* release endorphins that make us happier, leading us to live happier, longer lives. I don't see sex as something that absolutely must be between committed couples (married or otherwise) or even between man and woman. I don't condone "sleeping around" (though I won't chastise someone who makes the moral choice to do it for whatever reason), but I see no reason why two good, consenting friends shouldn't have the right to share in the pleasure of intercourse for no reason other than the pleasure it brings to both of them. I have sex with my female roommate on a regular basis--we aren't a couple and neither of us identifies as lesbian or bi, we're just great friends who both find that giving each other mind-blowing ******* is a great way to releve stress and get the heart pumping.

What if I'm wrong? Well, that leads to the other thing I question most about my religion: if God is all loving and all forgiving, then why must we fear his wrath? If it turns out that I'm wrong, and I've been living my life in a way in which God does not approve, shouldn't I be able to just beg forgiveness?

This one's bound to stir up some religious zealots, I'm sure. :)
nudeinthewoods nudeinthewoods
31-35, F
7 Responses Nov 29, 2012

Great thoughts. Nice to see you back.

Just to help you with the question/statement you posed: "The Bible is pretty clear that husband and wife should share themselves with each other for the purpose of creating offspring, but it is less clear on whether is is right or wrong to engage in similar acts when the intent is otherwise."

I don't intend to sound preachy, but just to give you a Biblical basis for sex without the purpose of procreation, I think this is clear that husbands and wives should engage in regular sex:

From Paul's 1st letter to the church at Corinth chap 7:
3. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. [this is referring to having sex on a regular basis]
4. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5. Stop depriving one another [of sex], except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6. But this I say by way of concession, not of command.
7. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
8. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I
9. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. [burn with passion is an overwhelming drive to have sex]

There is no instructions about ************ in the Bible, and I can make a case for it if you are interested.

Wow... you have said what I feel. I've had male and female friends whom I've helped and been helped by, having wonderful *******. I've said it bluntly to some...
I have sex with a consenting partner, age and gender irrelevant but I make love to my wife.

Thanks writing the above!

Congratulations!

This is a story that everyone should read! It is concise, well written, and is not biased. Everyone should be able to learn something and then apply the knowledge to their own life. I believe that what ever your core values are must be reflected in your actions and behavior. If you go against your basic values, either way, conforming to rules and regulations, just to please family and friends is as wrong as following peers in a direction you would not go alone, or by your choice alone. Peer pressure is powerful, and to remain true to your own truths is sometime difficult. Find your values, the one's you are comfortable with and follow your urges in that direction! You won't ever be happy unless you are truly expressing your inner YOU!

Well done.

you like having sex with females, but you said "different hormonal feelings altogether makes me want kids", so does that mean you will eventually want to be with a man?

Yes, I'm attracted to men, not women per se, I see having sex with someone as an ultimate expression of love for that person. I have deep, loving feelings for many of my friends, regardless of whether they are male or female or whether I'm "in a relationship" with them or not--and I've had sexual encounters, to one degree or another, with a few of them of both sexes.

On the other hand, I'm not the type of person who feels that its necessary or proper to sleep with someone I've just started dating. Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned in this regard, despite outward apperances :), but I don't believe in having sex with someone that I don't feel I know on a deep enough level.

So, while I'm not a fan of labels, I'd say I really identify mainly as "straight." Some day I hope to find an awesome guy to become with husband and the father of my children, but I'm still looking for him. I have no desire to have a relationship with another woman at that kind of level, but at the same time, I don't feel like a relationship has to be at that level to two people to share themselves with each other.

Great read. Why would our maker give us a ****, unless it was for sexual enjoyment as well? Obviously, there is a reason that we are the only animals in the animal kingdom where the female is able to have a climax.

Actually, everything climaxes; Monkeys, Dolphins, and Whales, use sex for sexual enjoyment too.

I read somewhere that humans are the only animals where the 'female' has an ******. Obviously it was a different study than you read.