Happy Anniversary To Me... Not!So, today is my 17th wedding anniversary, yes, 4-9-94 - woohoo!! SOOOOO not!!
I am relieved this year that our children have not remembered because the last couple of years, they have and then they have asked us what we are going to do and if we have a card for each other, etc... This year, not a word has been spoken by anyone. Whew!
The last couple of years we have gotten away with having a "family" anniversary dinner so that has helped take the pressure off of my stbx husband and I.
It's sad if I allow myself to think about it too much, but I am relieved that we have come to an amicable and mutual decision that divorce is the kindest and best thing we can do for ourselves, our children and each other. We are just NOT compatible at all in so many ways. Many would probably find themselves wondering how we got together at all if we were so incompatible... I know I wonder!
Well, the man that I married no longer exists - he disappeared really even before the wedding! My stbx has never figured out who he is and who he wants to be... what makes him happy, what he wants out of life and a relationship. When we dated he was "trying" out another "personality" I guess you can call it. I use this analogy and he agreed. He keeps trying on personalities or identities like a suit of clothes - trying on the entire suit and if one part doesn't "fit" he gets rid of the entire suit - it is all or nothing. So that "suit" that he was "wearing" when we dated, it wasn't a good "fit" for him; it exhausted him to be that person - it didn't fit his personality. So, he gave it up and also resented me for the lack of "fit" - I "made" him be that person. I actually believed that for quite awhile - NOT ANYMORE!
Anyway, back to the point of THIS story. Today marks the 17th Anniversary of our wedding vows, and instead of celebrating, I'm trying to just forget the significance of this date. I can't say that I totally regret the decision to marry him because I have two beautiful children from this marriage, but it can be very tempting to entertain the idea of where I would be on this day IF I had not married him. I just try to resist that temptation and focus on the blessings of our marriage.
Who know where I will be this time next year, but I do know, I will no longer be married to this man or probably anyone else and hopefully, I will be happier, settled and content with the life that I am daring to create for myself and my children.
AND MAYBE someday, I will be able to join a group about Happily Celebrating my Wedding Anniversary!