Admitting There Is a Problem Is Just As Hard...

Admitting depression is... well it's hard... I am one of those people that don't show emotion very well. Not over anything. Something as simple as a new outfit to hearing "It's a girl". I react about 15 pegs down from most people. Or if I am 'supposed' to cry I will normally laugh. I don't want to 'talk about how I feel'. I don't know. I think that's why this site helps so much... I guess admitting something like depression means admitting there is a problem. What's worse is my logic tells me that if I would admit it I could probably fix a lot of things in my life. It's like I'm afraid that everyone will go 'Ohhh, that's what's wrong'. I know this sounds ridiculous. I feel like people will think that I am taking the easy way out... Even my husband. I brought it up to him that there might be more wrong than he thinks, I never said depression, and he told me to get put on something... I only wonder if that's what everyone would think or if they already do. What's worse is my sister has been claiming this for YEARS. Even cutting herself. I know that my family will just roll thier eyes and say that I am trying to be like her... I don't know. Maybe this is just what I think and not what would happen. A lot of people will say why would your family even know you were getting help? Well we all know that there is no such thing as a secret. My husband would know, Of course. And he would be confiding in his sister or mother and they would then 'confide' in my sister who would tell my mother who would tell my grandmother who would tell my aunt who would tell EVERYONE... I bet you get it... Also I just realized that I said another reason why its hard to admit a problem... Because I have been doing this for years. Therefore I am not doing it right, meaning I would need help. So now on top of admitting that there is a problem now I have to ask for help... That's just not something I feel like I can do. It's funny just writing it on here has actually made my shoulders tense and my eyes burn... I feel like I want to push the computer through the wall. Well I don't think that this has helped as much as other stories but I guess it's a start...

PaperRoses PaperRoses
18-21, F
Jul 1, 2007