I Was Totally Shocked Today....why Do People Act Like This? w/update!

A nice regular Monday and it totally went South real quickly....
First a little back story:
One of the trainers in our gym had picked up a lil bit of a "crushy stalker" type of girl..... Nothing really to worry about...in the beginning..... He's hot and she liked him, It happens all the time with the trainers in the gym and the martial arts guys in the dojo.... No Biggy......or so I thought....

This girl started coming to the gym back around Halloween. She  seemed to really like this one trainer and most folks have a favorite person to work with. That is fine....In the beginning she came in every other day. Then she bumped it up to everyday which is fine she is healthy enough and going between weights, machines and cardio it was fine. But after a few weeks she would start to sometimes interrupt him when he was working with someone else.  Always when he was working with another girl......  Still nothing too drastic...He handled it well and very professionally just like he should..   Then just before Christmas she started dropping in  more then for just her workouts....She'd bring him a goodie from the bakery or something she made at home... He's a doll and would always be nice to her and thank her....  Then she asked him out and he said no thanks. She just isn't his type....but he was still nice to her and did in in a way so as not to hurt her feelings.....

She still kept up coming in every day and  bringing him stuff and sort of being a lil too attached....Then she started calling him on the business phone. He never gave her his cell #....Not even when she asked for it cause he's been thru too friendly girls before....

She brought him in a Christmas present but that isn't uncommon either folks give us all lil presents......  THEN....she stated showing up at the place where we sometimes take the crew on Friday nights for a quick dinner and some dancing..... She invited herself right over and  sort of hung around him even when he was talking to another girl.... *weird*  Now it starts getting a lil dicier....

One of the girls who comes to my dance classes likes him too and he likes HER...  They have gone out a few times and they really like each other...  My Dancer-Girl sees girls act all flirty all the time with the guys and it never bothers her....She is a real confident and easy going girl....  The other girl has bumped into  my dancer girl a couple times over in the gym and given her filthy looks and walked right over and jumped into private conversations the trainer and my dancer-girl were having.....Everybody stayed polite...

Today......The other girl came in and  walked right up to the dancer girl and went bat **** crazy on her. I was worried she was gonna try to slap her.  This happened in the gym......  Tang and the guy came right over broke it up and my dancer girl went into my studio... I told her she could sit in my office and calm down...The other girl acted like she was fine in front of the guys and even apologized but as soon as they turned around she set right off after the other girl and followed her into my studio.....

This time she bumped into hubs..I had just told him what happened....  The  mean girl  said she just wanted to talk to my dancer girl but she was all out of breath and acting real weird....  The Dancer girl came out of my office and this girl  RAN over to her.....Hubs totally stopped her...and then called the cops.

She was calling my dancer girl all sorts of names and accusing her of turning the guy against her and getting between them, meaning the mean girl and the trainer.........There WAS NEVER any THEM to come between.......   Cops came and they did what they needed too....  I tell ya...what a crazy mess....   

My poor dancer girl is all shook up. Me and my mom and one of the tai chi ladies got her all calmed down  and the trainer and her went over to the police  station to figure out what to do. The cops said the other girl sounds like a classic stalker.....That is scarey..... My dancer girl lives alone in her own apt... I am scared and worried for her safety...... I think the trainer guy might go and bunk at her house tonight.....

This other girl wasn't led on or anything, that is just sooo NOT the way our trainer  is...He is a total doll...... I am totally shocked that something like this  happened...... The stalker girl seemed fine....then she got sort of attached to him but nothing anyone paid attention too.....then more and more and more....until today........ Just goes to show you just never know when crappy stuff is gonna jump out of nowhere...... 

I never got to know the stalker girl too well cause she always headed for the trainer.....but she honestly didn't seem like a budding head case..... I so suck at reading folks.  Tang and a couple of the other guys said they were sort of keeping tabs on her cause back at Christmas she was waving red flags for them..... I never saw it coming.....

I am just hoping my poor lil dancer girl will be ok. This scared the crap out of her.... :( 

So that is my day so far.... I sure hope you guys are having a wayyyy better one...

UPDATE....
All the paperwork is in and the cops have statements from everyone who has watched her crazy behavior yesterday and over the past weeks too. She will be officially served  the RO today and she can't come into any of our businesses anymore or else she goes to jail!  She is all refunded and has no reason to show up. A real interesting thing we found out last night from one of the cops who is a detective and did some snooping around on her....This is NOT the first time she has pulled this!!  She has never been formally charged with anything but  the cops have been called on her 2 other times in the past 3 years...... The paper trail on her is all firmed up now and she is totally on the cops radar!! 

Good news!!!!  Our dancer girl is now staying with our trainer-dude.  The crazy stalker girl went and only made their liking for each other jump to way more... Gotta love it when folks try to make trouble and end up making something good in the end!!
  I am real glad about this!  I love seeing folks hook up!! 

All seems to be ready to  run smoother today..I got my fingers crossed at least......

Thanks soooooo much for all the good advice and thoughts in here.  It really does help to come in and share stuff like this and get other folks thoughts and ideas on it..... You guys so totally ROCK!!
sierra33 sierra33
31-35, F
27 Responses Jan 14, 2013

a sad and scary story... I feel sorry for all concerned. Do you think the stalker will get any help? She clearly has big problems....
I hope she stays clear of you all now xxx

Kat, I honestly don't know if she will or not. Sometimes folks like this are so twisted they think they're fine and everybody else is crazy... :( Sometimes being able to keep them away from us is the best we can hope for. Unless they hurt someone there's no laws against being crazy....

m filled me in on this. she be sum sic beyotch. good to kno t&d hooked it up.

Yup, she is....It is cool how good it worked out tho!! :)

Your update makes it sound as though the individual may not have both oars properly in the water.

From what we hear she might have lost one of the oars and got a hole in the bottom of her boat too boot!!! That almost makes me a lil more nervous....The ones with a few too many screws loose..can be more of a problem then someone just being naturally aggressive and pushy......

True. However, between the cops and your martial arts guys, I have to think that you are better protected than most people.

You'll never hear me deny that one!! :D I'm darn happy about it too! I'm a total coward when folks flip out and start to act all aggressive and like they want to start getting violent. I totally hide behind my ninja rough guy then!! I'm a dancer and a lover....NOT even any sort of fighter!! :O

I'm glad all this turned out in your favor and good came out of such a negative thing.

Aww thanks..we were lucky.....Everybody at work keeps looking outside to see if she is skulking around or driving by.... but so far so good.... It helps that we are real blessed with rockin cops and a couple good judges around here who know how to handle things. Then again.....I think it helps that we know so many of them and they use our businesses too..... Folks who know you tend to worry a lil more I think... But these guys are really good at all they do in the community too. It's nice that all is quiet and pretty much back to normal... but everyone is a lil more watchful.....Crap like this makes everybody a little edgy I think....

Just goes to show how being nice to the law helps in your favor. I live in a small town where everyone seems to know everyone, so I know the five cops we have here well. They are some pretty nice guys and it helps being respectful, because I should have gotten a few speeding tickets, but I was given a warning instead. If I was a total *****, I'd probably have those tickets.

You got this right!! It totally pays to get along good with your local law folks!! It makes it a lot easier when they are a nice group of peeps too tho

thanx Sie . . . would love to commisserate over chocolates and hot coffee for me thank you . . . jeez with that much adrenaline pushin substances just think how fast we could whine . . . hahahaha . . . so glad things worked out for lil dancer girl and the protector . . . that would be totally cool is they ended up together . . . ahhhh fate . . . sometimes things seem really ****** to go through . . . but more times then not it is simply fate getting you were you need to be . . . at least thats what I've lived and learned . . .

mm....I love the whole idea of bad times being fates way of moving us to someplace better.....I am totally gonna remember that!! :) Thanks hugs.... ♥

awww . . . that's the best . . . thanx Sie for the update . . . LOVE when that happens . . . 8D

Sie--
Once more--my love--
you offered a very concise description--
of the unfortunate events that transpired yesterday.

I have no patience or sympathy for individuals of this nature.
I have never held the desire to be involved in contending with those suffering--
any form of disordered psychology.

That said--
Any business owner--
must handle--
occasional--
moments--
with ******* nuts.

We have to show extreme caution with matters such as these.
As highly trained martial artists--
we stand vulnerable to being accused--
of using undue force.
It is never advisable--
from the liability standpoint--
to handle situations like this--
on our own--
Law enforcement must always be notified.
Adequate witnesses to our actions are also desirable.

These-******* nuts--
Would not hesitate--
to lawyer up and make accusations--
in order to file suit--
should one of us offer them the firm kick--
right in the ***--
they so royally deserve.

We never deal with our clients alone.
cameras are installed in all the offices--
to record all exchanges.
I advise everyone of this--
as well as have them sign consent forms for it.

I run a background check on all new hires--
for all the businesses.
I am seriously considering doing the same for all new clients as well.
Again--
with their full knowledge.
One must keep their businesses--
strictly aboveboard--
for clients--
staffing--
as well as to--
safeguard ones own ***.
I have been doing this for well over twenty years--
It can be a bit bothersome--
but holds well--
as an effective approach.

I did enjoy reading the many insights offered within this posting.
Thank you kindly.

May peace and quiet rule this new day--

Aww thanks rough guy....♥ Yup, you run your businesses like well oiled machines but it's sooooo true about being careful cause of you ninja guys and even the guys in the gym. We know a few folks in both those careers who have run into problems just like you mentioned. Some folks and maybe even especially the crazy ones love to lie and try to sue businesses.... Best to use solid prevention...If folks know they are being taped in that office they don't think to make claims about crap that never happened....

I now know why I have letters in my inbox asking if we turn the cameras off in the offices when we do some...."desk dusting" :D Yes we do! What we don't need is to have somebody do a dumb thing and then we have police going over the film from an office and it's us making ****....Nope we just do not need that!!

I don't think it would hurt to run a quick background check on new folks just signing up either....It might not be a total cure all but it could help weed out a few extra problems.....

Oooo this was a good update Si! I had a gut feeling this wasn't the first time she'd pulled this....she was really aggressive....

I'm glad you guys actually called the cops. It's easy to say, "Oh it's no big deal" but sometimes you need to be careful and take steps to protect yourself. I DO love how dancer girl is staying with your trainer now... lol... that great; I love the irony.

Thanks for sharing this... stalking issues are very real.

Aww thank RR....Yup she had some practice under her belt with this sort of crap.....

The professionalism and ethics you and your husband demonstrated in safeguarding a client and employee is very admirable. I hope you all see an end to this jealous instability or greater psychological problems being cause buy this person.
I have great faith that you two will do all that is possible to ensure a positive outcome for all concerned.
Reading this was very refreshing. I just finished reading another piece of writing that is no more then a gender war between angry people lashing out at other angry people and using a very valid foundation to formulate a vessel to hold and channel that anger.
Your situation shows men and women working together, successfully, to defend and protect other men and women from still other men and women who could do potential harm.
Refreshing, my dear, very refreshing.

Thanks Jessy, We totally do want to keep our staff and clients nice and safe.

I'm sorry you got caught in one of ep's "war zones" I totally avoid that stuff. Folks go round and round with fighting about the same stuff and one side never changes the others mind. I'd rather come to ep and share regular moments out of life, learn new things and have some fun instead of fighting.... Crap can find you easy enough in real life, like this crap yesterday.....I see no point in hunting it down when you have 5 minutes of free time on the internet!!

There are good and bad folks on each side of the gender thingy.... All we have to work with are men or women....Stands to reason that there are good and bad in both groups doing equally nice and rotten things.....

I agree with you tho...Some folks just like to fight and I say fine with that too...Let em fight...I'll just avoid it! :D

Sorry you all had to go through this type of craziness today Sie..........I agree with the others who said to get a RO and make sure she never sets foot in any of your businesses again. People with those types of obsessions can be very dangerous if not kept an eye on.


But then............on the bright side...........her attacking your dancer girl may just be the push needed to get her closer to the trainer cutie and move things along faster then they would have went otherwise. She may just have done the dancer girl a huge favor. :-D

Take care and please be careful.

Aww thanks jacee. ♥ We have everything all set now and she can't come near our businesses and today she will be served papers for the RO..... You're soooo right cause there is a good side to this too......match making can totally take off and thrive out of situations like this and I think it just may have. Yayyy for good out comes from really sucky events!!

Hope all is ok for everyone involved. It is scary. Little did crazy know, she just pushed the trainer closer to dancer. Hope tomorrow is better! Hugs :-)

You are sooooo right!!! All she did was make him look at our lil dancer girl with even more concern and care! The total opposite of what she was shooting for. I am actually glad about that cause I think they make an adorable couple!! ;) I just wish they could have discovered this in an easier and less upsetting way.... Thanks and hugs....

My goodness.... It was quite the day crazy day at your gym! I'm so sorry for your dancer girl. It's very scary especially when it's unprovoked. I've read through all the comments and you've gotten some great advice to share with her. ((((WarmHugs)))) to you both.

Thanks Dee, I am always amazed at how AWESOME folks are with coming thru with such good advice and thoughts in here. I am soo lucky to have such smart buddies who are willing to share their thoughts with me.... Hugs right back at ya!!

WOW . . . yup . . . nut job . . . stalkers make me nervous . . . you never know what there thinking . . . UGHHHH . . . so sorry Sie . . . makes for a lousy day . . . my day no better . . . VERY FRUSTRATING . . . will get through it though . . . mondays . . . eeshhh . . . maybe the cops can posts checks on lil dancer girl . . . sometimes their cool like that . . . good luck sweetie . . . hope nothing bad comes from it . . . (hugs)

Aww thanks mm.....I'm sorry you had a sucky day too....It's a darn shame we can't meet up and share some chocolate and a nice cup of somethin hot and just sit and whine about it sometimes.... We got lil dancer girl all nice and safe now. She is staying away from her place for awhile and if things go right maybe she can move, in time, and have our trainer as her permanent protector.....That might just be my "inner matchmaker" being all optimistic but sometimes things work out real well like that!! :D

Sie....I'm sorry you ALL had to endure this today, it can't be pleasant and must put the dampers on everyones day, I can't imagine how your dancer girl's feeling right now. On the flip side you've all handled it properly and professionally, a real credit to you all....it's not easy keeping a level head when all hell is breaking loose around you. I hope the other guys will keep an eye out for her....She'll no doubt feel better for it.
It's a sad state of affairs that these people are around in one form or another....As a friend once told me "Bree...... they walk amongst us". Unfortunately she's not wrong, it's always worth keeping in mind.

Yes, they walk amongst us. Unfortunately! :-(

Aww thanks Bree, hugs and hugs....It is stuff like this and other stories I read that makes security and caution such a priority in life. Ya just never know who is standing beside you...planning something horrible..... Everybody is gathering round our lil dancer girl. She is such a sweety and this is just scaring the livin daylights out of her......We'll all be sure to take good care of her and keep her safe tho.... hugs

I just know she's in the best hands with you guys...Hugs to you all

Don't know why this girl would make a scene and call attention to herself. Now if the dancer girl turns up dead she will be fingered. Always better to keep it cool and take them out quietly at night. This is the classic example of an armature stalker. Makes me sick, and it bring illwanted attention to the trade of professional stalking. Clearly she never had a master take her under their wing and teach them the right and wrong ways to make someone love you while simultaneously eliminating your opposition. Do you have her contact information? If you do, pm it to me as I believe I can still make a worthy stalker out of this girl yet.

Aww, I know you're joking on me Copper and any other time I'd totally crack up but right now..........not so much....I love ya for trying tho......♥ Dumb stalkers are wayy better...They're easier to catch and get rid of.......

Compared to yours, my day was great. No work, fun at the gym, met for a coffee with one of my friends this afternoon...
I think that you are just such a sweet doll who never can see the madness in some peeps eyes. I hope that this crazy woman can't do no harm to your dancer girl. Please keep us updated.

Aww thanks Rickie...hugs and hugs... I have always sucked at reading folks. Good thing is hubs is as sharp as a razor with it and so are a bunch of the guys who work here. I'm glad you had a great day!! ♥

And I'm so glad that you have your hubs to sort things out. You both are like yin and yang! ;-)

I am always soooo glad to have him Rickie.... He is awesome with anything like this..... I try but ...stuff like this can sort of throws me...... I'm better at comforting my dancer girl then sorting out all the fine points...

Be sure to document EVERYTHING. I'm assuming your state has an anti-stalking law? They're great laws and can save lives, but they're a ***** to make stick because you have to establish that there is a pattern of inappropriate contact. If you have a good, well documented, story then that won't be a problem.<br />
Also, if the bad girl threatened the good girl be sure to have her see about getting an RO in place (restraining order). That's sort of the first step in stalking cases. Again, you have to have some good documentation in place, but if you can get it it offers the cops another tool to remove the stalker.<br />
Good luck!

I'm not sure about her states laws, but I know that here in Texas, a business can choose to bar a person from entering their establishment. So, I'd refund any money she has towards her membership and make it clear that if some comes around the cops will be called.

Yep. Every state will have that. It's a trespass order. The owner can issue one just by telling the person that he or she is no longer allowed on the premises, although it's not a bad idea to have the cops do this so that, again, it's documented. In and of itself it's marginally effective because violating the order is generally just a petty misdemeanor, but it's pretty good evidence in stalking cases if the person repeatedly violates the trespass order.

Thanks Irant...Everything is documented and yup we have a law like that too.... This is why hubs is so fast to get cops involved with anything crazy like this to get that paper trail laid down and in place..... Affinity is right...We can totally ban anyone from our businesses who have cause any sort of problem.....We have only had to do it a couple times but it is pretty effective... Hubs already cut the refund check. he never hesitates to get rid of any sort of troublemaker...

smart sie, because that sort of drama could really make you lose a lot of business. It's better to lost that little bit of money in the refund then lost others.

It's totally worth the money to be rid of a problem like that...

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Yikes, these must be some hot guys at your business to be attracting all these 'crazy' women. I think sometimes people can be so lonely that they mistake someone being nice for attraction. I've had that happen to me. I was nice, so he found out my work schedule and came around everyday I worked. I eventually had to play the mean card in an attempt to make him not like me. That didn't work, so my boss decided to bar him from coming to my work. Scary stuff.

That is scary Affinity.... I think the scariest part is that so often the "stalkee" has done NOTHING to encourage it

Yep, except for be friendly and misunderstood. I hope everything turns out with sie's dancing girl.

I think you're right about this. He was nice to her and she misread it or wanted it to mean something way different then it did.... We do have some seriously hot guys in here but we got some seriously HOT clients, mixed in with a whole bunch of adorable regular folks too and most of the time everyone does pretty darn good!!

Aww, I'm sorry you've been thru this too..... hugs and hugs

awwww sie .... I'm so sorry to read this .... it's is scary .... there are alot of crazy people out there .... and this particular girl sounds like she might be dangerous .... I sure hope the authorities are able to convey the seriousness of this situation on the crazy one .... :o((((

Aww thanks Laffs....hugs The cops around here are a pretty tough bunch and don't have a lot of tolerance for crap like this so I am pretty sure they let her know if she keeps it up her butt is gonna land behind some bars....

See stalkers seem normal to the general population, but then they have their obsessions. I would have the trainer at my house every night if I was nice girl and I would live my life just as I did before. If she doesn't then stalker girl wins. I would depend on my gym to bar the "chit" out of her azz so I can work out in peace and I might change my work out schedule for awhile but other than that I would go on with my life. I feel sorry for training dude too. Maybe he needs to eat a few Big Macs and not be so dayum hot LOL (that last part I am joking about but I do feel for him as well.)

Good idea about changing her times for awhile. The crazy girl is totally banned now from all our businesses.... All these guys, the trainer and the ninja dudes have girls chasing them and most of them LOVE it cause it's done in a flattering cute way.....but this is taking it into the scare-zone..... You're also right about our lil dancer girl getting past it..... I am sorta hoping this gets her and trainer dude even MORE together then they were before. The match maker in me is always thinkin!! ♥

I hope they do get a chance to be together. i know that stalkers change the stalked person's life drastically and it impacts their relationships with others to some degree.

I hope so too...... Stalkers do change folks..that's for sure... :(

People like this should not be handled with glove care. Everyone needs to be very aggressive in response to this behavior. Sounds like she should be banned from the gym and if she has prepaid, refund the money she has not used. If she shows up at the gym and she refuses to leave, call the police and press charges against her.

You're right. She'll never be a member of any of our businesses again. My hubs is super strict about stuff like this. He already cut the refund check for her. No second chances either.... Nobody would hesitate to press charges either......

That really sucks. I always hated feeling like I was being attacked like that. Check out www.targetfocustraining.com. It is very easy and fast to learn to be effective. You can do it in your home watching dvds. With practice it is absolutely devastating. If dancer girl was to learn this stuff than I would almost feel sorry for stalker girl because she will learn very quickly what happens when stupidity hits the immovable object.

Thanks for the link. Aiyana..We'll be sure to check it out.

Whoaaaa..... that is some scary stuff.... I am really creeped out right now. What is especially scary is that the crazy girl never HAD a relationship with this guy.....

People prone to this type of thing are not logical. I'm glad the cops were called. I like Sunnil's suggestion of keeping a restraining order in mind.

*locks doors*

Yeah...we're totally talking out and thinking up some new and improved safety measures and getting the paperwork all in place.... The fact she was NEVER involved with our trainer and he never led her on is what says she might be a little unstable and that is where things get scary. if it was just 2 girls both going for the same guy it wouldn't be so worrisome but this takes it to a whole other place.

Oh yeah.. this is a whole other level.... I completely agree that getting the paperwork in place is a good idea.... that way you can act quickly if there are further indications that this is going to be an ongoing problem. You never quite know these days, do you you? Gah....

Nope ya sure don't.... It pays to stay as safe as possible... :(

oh my what a situation sierra. the poor girl. I hope the stalker takes the hint and doesn't cause any more trouble, but it's worrying isn't it? you never know what crazy things people might do ... :(

That's it Bliss...Ya hear such awful things in the news and read about it online and it makes you 10 times more worried.....People are so darned unpredictable.....

Suggestion...
When lil dancer comes in for her classes or whatever, have her call before she arrives so someone is outside waiting for her to walk her in and then to walk her out. One can never be too safe or careful. A restraining order might be a good thing to look into for the business if stalker shows again.

Thanks Sunni, that is a very good idea!! That is why hubs called the cops first thing....He'll get all the paper work settled.... cause we don't even want folks like her in any of our businesses.... One of my Dance instructors knows our lil dancer girl really well and said she can stay over at her place. The one cop told hubs that the trainer needs to keep an eye out and make sure the stalker girl isn't following him to find out where he lives too...... Sooooo much craziness..... Everybody is doing what they should tho to be safe.....

Good :)

I am sorry that happened. Even otherwise well-adjusted people can become very strange when they develop a "crush," or whatever it is appropriate to call it, on someone else.

Aww thanks Stoner..... When infatuation turns ugly and deluded I guess....

I guess. It is too bad that it has to become other peoples' problem, like your dancer.

It is a shame..that's for sure. It's down right scary..... Every now and then folks get snotty or step out of line in here but it's for sure no sort of regular occurrence for us....Our businesses are all pretty peaceful and happy....... My heart goes right out to my poor dancer girl she is such a sweet heart.... Some days just do not rock.....
Our tai chi folks are worried and my mom...she runs my little childcare corner now , she's just hoppin mad about it..... Hubs is disgusted.....so are most of the other guys....It totally threw a wrench in our day...

My only advice, which is pretty lame, is to do what you can to put it behind you.

Yup, very true advice....not lame at all....It's what has to be done...I guess when you work with the public ya gtta sort of expect craziness sometimes....

Hopefully, not craziness of that nature.

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WOW...just WOW!

Yup....that about sums it up Caramel....