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Very Sad

I have been married for 20 years & the past 3 years have been very hard. My other half had been sleeping with his 1st cousin for over 4 years. Iam so broken hearted. We had never had a honeymoon so i booked a trip to New York & it was there he told me. My whole world Came crashing down. So it was then that i decided we should break up try to put the past behind me but it did not work. The children were devastated i was trying to do my best but it was not working. So with alot of talking & trying to sort things out i let him move back in. Iam really trying my best but i feel its going from bad to worse. I feel iam doing all the work in the relationship he just thinks he is the big lad. I taught this would never happen to me. I taught we were happy i really did. I just dont think i can do this anymore my days are getting longer & harder. What can i do ? I just want what i had all them years ago but i dont think its ever going to happen.  

ninewest ninewest 41-45 4 Responses Aug 28, 2009

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Relationships always take two putting in effort..in your situation even more so. If you are the only one trying to solve issues and rekindle,then I cannot see it happening,sadly.The only choice you have for your own happiness is to finish what has already ended,as far as he seems concerned. When we do try to rekindle a love relationship it cannot be done from the past view,it cannot stay the same,it either grows or dies a final and often more tragic death.Good luck in whatever you decide,neither are easy .

Hon, if he is not showing remorse and is acting like a big deal, then it means that he does not want to respect you. Things can only get worse. You will then be expected to deal with his indiscretions so that your children do not witness the bickering. You may want to talk to your children about why you are making any of your decisions (in an age appropriate manner). If you dont discuss things with them, he may be selfish enough to make you appear to be the bad guy. Also, you dont want your kids to think that it is fine for their spouses to disrespect them like that when they marry. If needed, stay with him for a while a start saving money without him knowing. Good luck in any decision that you decide to take.

Your children are at an age now, I assume, that a divorce will not adversely affect their immediate lives. If they are aware of the current malaise you are in I am sure that would understand and support you in a divorce action.<br />
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There can be no satisfactory resolution to this situation and it is plain that he will not change. Twenty years in a great investment in time but don't waste your remaining years living in this terrible circumstance. <br />
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Please summon up your courage and leave this man for he is beyond redemption from my perspective.<br />
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The fact that his dalliance was with his first cousin for four years makes his abominable behavior even more bizarre.<br />
My hopes for a better life for you are riding on your next important decision and you must know what that must be.

Leave him.....and take back your life!