Not sure what to say.Have been with same man for a long time and it only works when I dont say what is on my mind.Anytime I try to talk about anything other than the weather,he gets defensive or doesnt respond at all.It's not always bad,just seems we are here but not together.Hope I am making sense.

soco74 soco74
31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 21, 2009

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years but itsbeen rocky. I think we moved together to fast and a year later I was pregnant and at that time we were going thourgh things and I wanted him to move out but he stayed because I was pregnant, big mistake. He didnt help out around the house I had to do everything and when it came to bills he would only pay half the rent and nothing else and he made just as much as I did. I finally kicked him out but we continued to see each other. He has been in his own place for the past 2 years and he does his own thing and I do my own thing, we never talk about getting a house or doing things together like a normal relationship but I believe that Im not in love with him anymore but I love him like a friend. I have lived with him once and things didnt work out and I dont think I could do it again so I think its best for us to move on. This is only a smalll percentage of my relationship with him and I have a lot more to say but I just wanted to vent a little.

I think I understand, How long have you been together?<br />
Things might be a little stale, maybe some time apart if you could. I know I got tired of my first husband, we knew each other so well that we could finish each others sentences and it didn't mean that I didn't love him, but I did end up cheating on him and it was the worst mistake of my life, But I wasn't happy, maybe if we had gone to a therapist like I wanted we would still be together he only want to go after it was to late.

"it only works when I dont say what is on my mind.Anytime I try to talk about anything other than the weather,he gets defensive "<br />
<br />
The above I took from what you had to say. I am going through this with my current seems when I go to get personal, or ask questions like what did you end up doing last night or feelings in general..I get the defensiveness.. there was a point in time where it seemed she started to open up only to put the guard back up within the last month or so.. Now I know you are not supposed to believe everything you read but, from my knowledge and what I read..a defensive posture most likely means they either did something wrong or are hiding something..other than that I can only see it as fear of comittment or something to that effect.. anyone care to give me advice on this? Would be appreciated as I have grown uphappy..and she means well.. I just wish there was something I could do..not fix it as most men make that mistake in trying to fix everything..but I am not sure what to do anymore...

This is exactly what I am going through.