Just Don't Care

After over 25 years of marriage.  Loosing myself, my wants, my dreams and happiness to a man who wants everything his way. I am to the point that it just does not matter any more.'

 It has always just been easier to let him have his way then to try and fight about it.  He has this way of turning every thing around that it is my fault.  Even when he cheated on me.... it was my fault.  Took him back.... biggest mistake of my life.  just showed him that he could do any thing and I would just take it. 

I keep giving myself mental dates, you know as of this date or that date I will put my foot down.  But something always happens, where quilt or fear keeps me from doing it. 

He never wants to do anything with me.  I am basically all alone in a house full of people.  I have asked him several times for a weekend away.... a dinner out..... a walk through the mall..... any thing.  He will either do one of two things..... find a reason not to do it or make like living heck if he does.  However, let someone ask him to do something and he is all over it.

It has just year after year of being put further and further back in his list of priority.  i know that you don't get your happiness from someone else.  But how a person who is suppose to love you makes you feel about your self can affect your happiness. 

 I am constantly being snapped at.  Talked to with total disrespect.  First to let me know what I have done wrong.  Said something stupid.  Done something stupid.   Walking the wrong way.  Example say you are walking into the grocery store and someone is walking towards me..... he will say you need to move out of the way this person needs by.  Well why can't the other person move. 

I have so much anger, that I don't even want to be in the same room with him. 






noxoxo noxoxo
46-50, F
8 Responses Feb 7, 2010

Omgod, I think I'm reading my life story. I been married for 25 years and went and still going through the same thing you went through. I'm sick and tired of him and there's nothing I can do about. I just asked him for a divorce and all my kids are aginst me saying that I want to distory the family. For now I'm just trying my best to stay away from him

I am sorry. You are not alone!!!! Too tired to get into it now. Exhausted and it's late . Your story is too familiar. Ill reach out to you again.

I hope this situation has grown better by now (I see this post is from 2010), but as Agouthro infers, this is very clear emotional abuse. It might be difficult to make him recognize that, but he needs counseling if he's unwilling to accept the fact or change his behaviors on his own. You don't deserve to be treated that way. I had a relationship like that once and my sister informed me about emotional abuse. There are good books published on it, with examples of behaviors exactly like his, and suggested healthy ways to respond to it so that it might change. If it doesn't change, and he's unwilling to get counseling, I wish you the courage to find someone you deserve.

My best friend just went through something very similiar to you, I can't believe how much her ex reminds me of your husband. He never wanted to do anything with her, ever. He would say "Oh yeah, great idea" but when the time came he would either change his plan or just not follow through. Though if any of his friends or anyone else really would mention to do something he would jump at it. After a few years she had met someone else and decided to leave, her new found love is truly amazing and treats her like gold. She still thinks about her ex, and wonders how she ever put up with that for so long. Ok, so he didn't beat her, but that's a form of mental abuse and it's just as bad if not worse than physical abuse. There is hope for you to be in a loving relationship, one where HE puts into the relationship as much as you do. I know it's hard to see past your marriage now, but don't give up hope. You deserve to be happy! I hope it all works out for you, good luck!

I have been married for 11 years and the last 3 or 3.5 yrs. have been arguementive, lonely and confused. <br />
I remember telling my husband about 7 years ago how I had lost myself, didn't know who I was anymore. Today, as I read your story, I started having these memories floating through my mind, and I was thinking I must be hte only person that has been married 11+ yrs, feels alone, lonely, wanting affection to smile or laugh again, the real smile and laugh. <br />
Is that really what happens? You just kind of through in the towel, so to speak and say , I just don't care anymore? why? After you investing 25years of your only life in this world of ours. and You say you lived it only for him? Why did you? And how come you can't still have your wants and dreams, U R the olny one that can achive them, he can't. <br />
Yes, I am sad, lonely, hurt & ect ect.....I have MCD/GAD, I have a genetic disease that I was born with and didn't know until I turned 40. So, I am no one to talk, but, when you are on the outside of some1's personal problem and looking in and reading what you wrote, I bet you are a bit angry, huh? maybe bitter also. I would be. oops, sorry , I just checked and you did mention you were a bit angry at him. <br />
You should make your bucket list, if you have, u should read it again and check it to see if it is up to date. As you are doing your bucket list and checking off the things you have already completed, pick up on the next thing on the list that catches your eye. Now it is your turn to shine....25 years of what you want and whwhat you need or desire, "you only li<br />
I hope things work out for you and the way you want them to. Start to live your life your way...

i completely understand how you feel... be strong... make a decision.. and be responsible for your actions.. you can do it

Yeah leave,life is too short. My marriage aint great but it sounds a lot better than yours -which it sounds like you have played a role in letting him be more and more selfish. Its no good to deny yourself and seethe inside. It sounds like you need to reclaim your life and self. It will be hard but you will be happier.

Let me be frank here, I have never been married or had any kids, but I come from a very big family. I watched the very same scenario play over and over again after many years of marriage, at the same time I have also seen couples that have kept the respect for one another and just loved each other. This guy that you are in a relationship with (if you want to call it a relationship) has no respect for you at all. These things he is doing to you will drive you crazy and out of your mind, make you feel worthless and hopeless. It really is hard and I know it is, but its time to get the hell out. Find someone that you can lean on or just look for some help, you will be surprised what you can do when you get tired of being treated so bad, you can do it, I know you can. That’s about as frank as I can get.