180 Pounds - As Big As I'll Ever GetWhen my husband met me, at seventeen, I was probably around 110 pounds or less. At this time, I'm one hundred and eighty pounds, for my height, 35 pounds overweight (obese according to my body mass index number). Growing up, I had nine siblings that were often crammed into tiny houses that my parents rented out whether it was a one-bedroom, two-bedroom, three-bedroom or even four-bedrooms or more since we moved a lot in my life. However, we all know regardless of how many rooms we varied from, it wasn't enough for each of us to have our own space. Even growing up, my mama spent money on groceries and when my father provided, we never relied on government assistance except for one time I remember. We soely depended on his income and partial income from an adult roommate who was a brother member of the church who was homeless before my parents decided to take him in.
When my dad died, we, my dad's children, got Social Security because that's what he'd worked for all those years of his life till he got sick and passed away. My mama lived off of seven checks, giving us kids $20 allowance out of it, $100 for the older kids, and Brother Charles' check until our benefits ran out when we were seventeen but the older kids benefits kept coming through because of their own mental illnesses. The only flaw in the grand scheme of things was that there was barely any food in the house. My mother was so busy taking care of her kidney disease three times a week, going out to lunch with my uncle & pastor, and when she was home she spent little time there but soon left to church for three or more hours.
Since food was scarce even when my daddy was providing, it all seemed to go quick so you had to get what you wanted and when you wanted it. I think it had to do with that there wasn't enough to begin with but also because there were so many people who had to eat. When my dad was providing, my mama would cook more than she did when he wasn't.
When I moved in with my husband, he provided a lot of the food and I also contributed by applying and receiving food stamps. When I finally did eat and was free to have anything I wanted at my disposal so when I did I ate because I had a fear that it'd disappear like it had when I was a child. Also, somewhere along the way I began to overeat when I was depressed or had nothing else to do. Along the way, it's gotten out of hand and this is my weight today, the biggest I've ever been. Or will ever get for that matter.
This year, in 2011, I've decided to become determined enough to do something about my weight and my whole persona as a whole. First, throughout the year I'm planning to lose a total of 35 pounds or the whole 80 that I don't want or need. I'll be working out for three times a week, 30 minutes or more each day. Second, I'll remove my keloids that formed after I got my ears pierced for the first time in 2006 & maybe I'll get my ears repierced (not in the same location) but above or below them. Third, I have to go to the dentist for the first time ever (yeah, it'll be my first time) to fill five missing teeth and/or holes in my teeth. All of this will make me feel much better about myself as a whole and I'll be proud of myself for accomplishing this.