I Fail At Everything I Try

I haven't ever been truly happy with myself.  When I was younger it was because I wasn't pretty enough or sexy enough and all of that.  At least that was a big part of it.  But I think some of it is because I just don't like who I am.  I'm not really good at anything or talented.  I haven't ever made my parents happy or been able to make too many friends. 

   I have a husband and kids, and was happy for a while, but right now, I just feel dead and dull and very lethargic.  I have been treated for depression, but none of the treatments ever worked.  Now they are treating me for ADHD, but that's not going so good either. 

could it be that I'm just really stupid and slow?  That I really CAN'T do anything right and I am not here for anything other than taking up space and raising bratty kids.  (yes, they are very bad, and yes, it is my fault)  My daughter is almost 7, and she is really suffering from her ADHD and seems so depressed.   She tells me she doesn't have friends at school and that her teacher doesn't like her.  She really struggles with reading and it takes her over an hour to do her homework!  (even with me helping)  The poor girl really suffers because I didn't do a good job with her.  She could have learned better social skills if I wasn't so clueless myself, and I have such a problem with being impatient and with keeping myself organized.  The poor kids' rooms look like a pig-stye.  They can't organize their things because nobody every taught them how.  My son does a fair job at keeping his room neat, but the girls don't.  They just say "I can't" when we tell them to clean.  I tried so many times, but I just can't keep any of my stuff or their stuff organized.  Today I made an effort and actually stuck with it longer than I usually do.  But normally these kind of tasks are so overwhelming I can't even start them.  I end up crying all the time because I can not stand looking at the mess everywhere, but I just do not have the stamina to clean it!  My husband will help,but it goes right back to looking like a dump.  Ditto for when the cleaning lady comes. 

    not only that, I just have no clue when it comes to my job.  I don't know WHAT I am supposed to be doing as far as my career goes.  I don't like what I do, but I dont' know what else I want to do.  I dont' know if I'll ever find a real job and not just a low-pay crappy job. 

     I'm pretty much a mess.  Everything that goes wrong in my life is my fault.  And now I have ruined the lives of 3 children and the poor sucker I married.

HotPinkGirl HotPinkGirl
36-40, F
5 Responses Feb 23, 2009

Thank you, you are very nice! I must admit, taking my new meds helps a lot.

You sound pretty down in the dumps. I recommend books. Books about parenting (I like Dr. Dobson), books about improving your marriage (I like John Gottman, and Howard Markman), books about oragnization and self improvement (I like Stephen R. Covey), even books about cleaning (Don Aslett is popular - even if I don't know how to spell his name).<br />
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No one knows everything, but every one knows something. So take advantage of what others know. And if you don't want to spend money on books, go to the local library -- it's free.<br />
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Good luck with all that. Feel free to write me.

hang in there life is tough sometimes

hang in there life is tough sometimes

hang in there life is tough sometimes