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Cut All the Drama About Pervs, Ladies. It's So Old.

Quite a few times I've seen female users on a site include warnings in the 'About Me' section of their pages or post whole dramatic stories in the "I Want You to Read This Before You Add Me" group telling men not to send them dirty messages or pictures if sex is what they're looking for. Yet some of these women are just the types who are specifically on a networking site just to talk about sex and their love for sex anyway, yet don't want men messaging them about it. Some of these women sending those warnings often put suggestive pictures of themselves on their pages, and really only like to post these stories of warning just to make you think that they're beautiful in the eyes of many men and that men send them inappropriate messages much less often than they really do, if at all. It's just a way of allotting themselves exaggerated credit. No doubt that some men really are filling a woman's inbox with lewd or suggestive messages, but with other women really doesn't go on as much as they want you to think, and they want you to think that oh so many men think they're that sexy and desirable that they would want to hound them with advances. 

 

If these claims from women really are true, whether they will admit it or not, they still enjoy the drama of it all. They like the idea of being able to boast to the world, "Ooh! Ooh! I get dirty messages from men frequently!" So they act as if getting these messages annoys or flusters them, which to some extent may, but they really get off on being able to tell everybody all about them in all those stories, which is really no less sleazy and cheesy than the men who really do send women inappropriate messages.


So cut the drama and the ego trip. It's overdone and it's old. Get over it. I'm just sayin'.
AllStarcrushNate AllStarcrushNate 26-30, M 21 Responses Sep 22, 2012

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It's received with a mixture of feelings- revulsion to some degree along with a much-desired validation of being desirable and sort of 'morally superior' to the perverts. Some might start it, like most social conventions, out of a desire to fit in, till they develop the taste for getting offended as well. It's natural and understandable to want such validation, but this can be off-putting. Ignoring is nicer than ridiculing.

Finally. Somebody who admits it and is honest about it. Thank you.

I'm somewhat new to this website, but I've had enough pervy messages to know that this isn't really the site for someone like me. I cringe at those things. It's not so much of an issue when the perps are in my age range, but there's something really unsettling about someone who is easily old enough to be your grandparent; sending suggestive messages. I do nothing to provoke it, I've only been here about 4 days. It makes me feel so uncomfortable, so I definitely want to put up a disclaimer- don't care who it irks or who chooses to take offense to it. It's mutually beneficial because then perves won't waste their precious, Pervy time, right?

Seriously? You are an awesome person Nate but let me tell you how it is. Everyday I log on and the first thing I see is several friends request from perverts. Then I go to my mailbox and I get the same thing. NONE of which I asked for. Look at my profile, it's clean, no sex stuff, no flirting, nothing. My only crime is being a female on the internet. I am so much more than a sex toy and I deserve respect. I do NOT get off by telling people about my experience, I tell people so I can find out if they have a better solution of getting rid of the messages. Stop being so ******* sexist.

Ain't bein' sexist. And if you think I am you need to tell it to the other women who rated this up, cuz most of the uprates came from women and not men.

Just because you got a few people to agree with you doesn't make it not so. Seriously, if I clearly was a racist, and denying being one because I got a bunch of people to agree that I am not one doesn't make me not a racist. XD

Yet you wouldn't say this at all if a story you wrote got several uprates that agreed with you. It's the same old **** here. People agree with me on something and it has to get discounted because of it, yet when other people would agree with you or someone else for what you or they see then it's the gospel and the truth and can't be denied. Sorry, tarantulas, but you're really reeking of it here. Just like the rest of 'em.

I'm sexy and desirable but I don't exactly get my panties in a bunch if I do get the occasional lewd message... I just ignore.. and I can agree with many of the points you made above...

lol...I was just readining through the comments on here and found where you said something about "don't know why someone would perv and owl." haha! My avatar is apparently quite sexy because I DO get messages like that. I guess it's the whole "naughy nurse" thing. I don't mind getting the messages, though...to each their own...but I just ignore them and don't answer. I do have a story on my profile about a person that kept messaging me for weeks...I never answered and the messages got more and more frequent, so I finally answered to let him know to move on to someone who wanted to sit around and "twiddle twats" with him, but all heck broked loose. I cut and pasted his rant in hopes that the other nuts would read it before deciding to go nuts on me...i figure knowing that they might have their words on display might deter them from writing them in the first place. And I also posted it because it was a crazy experience that was worth sharing and going "OMG! Can't believe that guy!" lol BUT...I didn't post it to "get attention" or say "all these men think I am so hot with my big ole glove." hehe Just a conversation piece and a "beware of dog" sign. ;-)

Yeah. Warning them with stories never stops them though. I am a black guy and I get adds on occasion from white women who love "big black ****" and have their pages full of nasty black men worship stuff. And, yes, they are women because they talk about being proud of their half black kids, and just last week a middle aged white woman added me with photo albums full of graphic photos of her and black men having sex. Her husband lets her do it and the stuff is just disgusting. I did not add her back.

Having said all that, I once posted a story about white females adding me like that, and it hasn't stopped them. Don't get me wrong, I'm crazy about white chicks, but I really don't appreciate all that black **** worship and stuff.

Sorry, I don't know if you meant to include a little humor in that, but that made me laugh like heck! lol Yeah, women can be pervs, too. And I don't know if it stops some or not. I think a lot of times, they don't even read the stories or experience groups. Like that guy in my story said something about me being in masturbationn groups and posting stuff about it, but I had never done either....unless there was a comment that was a joke...I do have a crude sense of humor sometimes...well, most of the time. I have seen lots of that "BBC" stuff on here. I actually had to google that when I first got on this site to see what it was, btw! lol Oh, the things I have learned on EP :-)

No, no humor there, lol. I genuinely don't like it. I do like white women and white women with big breasts, but I'm very tasteful about expressing that, and I enjoy talking to all the big-breasted white girls in my circle, but I don't objectify them like some white girls do with black guys.

It's true! Women ARE pervs on the Internet, but people always want to write them off as really "being men pretending to be women" because they don't want to believe that women can be nasty and vulgar like men too. I hate all those damn excuses and write offs. Women can be crude as sh!t too.

Some of them are guys, though. Not all, but some. I had a younger guy friend that told me he had accounts on here where he posed as a girl. I asked him why and he said he just liked to make guys do stupid stuff. Not my "friend" anymore, though. I think you can kind of tell when someone isn't who they say they are...at least I can. It's a "gut feeling" thing mostly.

Yeah, I CAN tell, that's how I know a lot of women being pervy really ARE women. For one, there tends to be a difference in speech, and two, it's way too feminine when they talk about sexy stuff only they as women can really know and enjoy from their side of the sexes for it to really be men. Some guys DO pretend, but I honestly don't think it's as widespread as we let ourselves think.

I do see some in the questions sometimes...18-21 year old females saying "my boobs are soooo big...should I get a reduction?" Or..."I have such a high sex drive and my boyfriend can't keep up with me...whatever shall I do?" lmao I am not sure sometimes if it's a guy, a joke, or just an attention-seeking female, but with my sense of humor, I get a kick out of those questions and the answers that follow. I like the "give it up, mister" answers to those. hehe I have friended a couple of "women" on here before that kept saying things like "as women, we need to stick together" or "being a woman, I know that..." or "you know how us women are." They say that over and over and over. And, "being a woman," myself (hehe) I know that we don't have to keep talking about how we are women. Beware of those that say that over and over. I got rid of those right away. But, yeah, I agree with you...most of those claiming to be women ARE actually women.

Yeah, those are always funny questions! Funny you should say that, I've talked to many women who do say stuff like that: "as women, we need to stick together," "being a woman myself," etc. I think at least those I spoke to really were women, cuz I see stuff on their pages that relate to female experiences of pregnancy, rape, all that. Don't think there's any doubt there, lol.

Really? I got really weird vibes with those 2 ladies. I have one lady friend who says stuff like that sometimes, but not over and over. And when she does, it is usually because we are comparing men and women or just talking about who "you men" are. lol :-P

Yeah, the ones I've known have definitely been women. And women who usually need to point out being women that much tend to have feminist or chauvinist beliefs, so that's definitely why I think they're women, lol. And they've been women for sure because they show it when I wouldn't agree with something they said or told them about themselves as women and they got an attitude, lol.

Oh, yeah...they are women, then. lol The attitude is a dead give away. Me and my friend on here were talking about that the other day. I was telling him how I have girlfriends on here that I can pick on and mess with, but I only have one girlfriend offline that I can do that with. Most of the time, they get offended and pissy about stuff. I got slapped on the arm and called a "*****" for telling my pregnant friend that she should be a pumkin for Halloween. Heck, I though it was funny! lol She certainly did NOT! Most of my girlfriends on here can take dish it out and take it. :-)

OMG! Seriously?!? For that? LOL! Yeah, it is true, your kind can be rather catty, lol. If you knew all the reasons why I've been blocked by women here you would be laughing your stomach sore, I swear! LOfukkin'L!

God, I wish I could Like your comment 10x!!!

Yes, for that! lol I hate feeling like I have to tip-toe around people, so if I can't just be myself, then I don't like to be around them. She and I didn't last too long as friends. I can only imagine the reasons you might get blocked. I see people talking about the reasons they blocked people or got blocked and it makes me just go "wtf?" about 80% of the time. I have blocked 4 people on here since I joined in September...1 that i got weird vibes from, one that just kept messaging me over and over about "did you have a doll when you were little" I would say yes and he would say "did you break it?" Then another message with "did you have a snow globe when you were little?" me: "yes" him: "did you break it?" Over and over and over. He named like everything I had owned in my life. lol Blocked that one! The 5'9 guy, only because i wrote a story about him blocking me and don't want him reading it and getting his feelings hurt, and then that guy from the cyber sex story i mentioned earlier and that was because he was crazy as heck. lol

Wowwww, some people are almost mental, lol!

I have 23 people blocked, most of whom are female and were abusive, or I blocked them "back" after they blocked me cuz they were connected with that AbsolutelyDamnFabulous, who uses her girlfreinds to spy on her enemies' pages and take stuff back to her.

That's some funny **** about that doll and snowglobe guy! Dang, I would like to have a word with him, lol! Awww, 5' 9 guy. I feel for him, I do. You can't be too hard on the poor soul.

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I haven't posted any stories about it. But it has happened to me a few times that some anonymous creep with no pictures no nothing on their profile decided to start messaging me as if this website is a dating service. it does annoy me to be targeted sometimes, and in real life I have been targeted. Part of the reason why I dressed like a tomboy was all because of some dirty old man making a comment about my then 11 year old body when I was outside playing with other kids in shorts. There really are perverts in the world that are just plain outright creepy without you intentionally seeking that sort of attention.
I was never the type to be conceited or to think that I was even that good looking. it actually took me a long time to start being able to accept compliments without thinking that they are "just saying that to make me like them". Some girls are obscene they come on here with half naked pics and wonder why they get that attention. I once had a different pic up on my profile of myself wearing a black tank top and some black baggy pants and the pic was blurred so no one could make out the face. to me the picture was harmless, but when I started asking and answering questions people started hating, and an influx of perverted messages and mysterious people requesting to be in my circle. sometimes you are just that attractive that even a blurred non revealing pic and the fact that you are young is enough to put those types of messages in your inbox on ep. It's not my fault that I am attractive, but I shouldn't have to censor my looks just to avoid pervs, while other women have their actual pics up without it being blurred.

I understand your feelings and take you seriously. I was just talking about the basic ego trips a lot of these females are on.

thanks, and I also understand your feelings about women just posting about it for attention, it is annoying sometimes to see that people get carried away with the idea that there are pervs on this site. When I first came across EP my first impression is that this is a great website for writers to write out their emotions, feelings, conflicts and experiences while others who are similar to you can share their thoughts, offer advice and literally become an online friend. I haven't been to any other social website like this one before and thought that it must've been exclusive in that I have never even heard of it before discovering it by accident. but now I see that this website has all kinds of people on it, with all kinds of thoughts, desires, experiences, and beliefs. Even knowing that now, it still is one of my favorites. I also like reading your stories so far they are very well written and agreeable.

Well, thanks :-)

I just can't stand the women who think they're hot sh!t and try to make it like oh so many guys are into them. It's very irritating.

Yes, this site is amazing and the best I have EVER been on. It's only because of my brother that I came here last year and was glad to find it. It's true. No other site is like this one at all, and I like that it's not largely known.

I agree,good to see "some of these women"

Well I've gotten a handful and they seem to do it regardless of me putting my real pic, even this owl pic or looking at my experiences! It's disgusting! This isn't a s.ex site so it gets kinda creepy and uncomfortable! Unless you've gotten messages and pics of their d¡cks that gets sh¡tbombed in your messages, you won't fully understand! But a great post made me think!

Again, I'm not saying it never happens to ladies here, I'm just saying I think when a lot of them advertise their experiences with pervs they're still looking for some kind of attention! Yeah, I still have to fix that part about the real pictures thing cuz, yeah, not all women show their real selves and still get perv mail! I have no idea why anyone would want to perv on an owl, but that's just sad! What's the world coming to when we're perving on animals?!? LOL!

Verbose

That's code for: I can't stand how right you are.

:-) I made the connection you were trying to make. And i did like the story. One man recently told me that EP was turning into a sexual FB...which is silly to me...he obviously has never heard of "F" book which is just for s$x. I also was reminded of the thought process- "well she was raped because she was dressed provocatively and was asking for it..".

Hmmmm. I see. Well, EP does seem to be becoming somewhat sexual, I admit.

Games... If people just put out in real life... HA HA HA... Very over simplified opinion...

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Most of the guys I talk to are very polite and gentlemanly

Now this one I would say you have kinda of a point, not so sure about the "often time" , bit of a broad stroke for me to say that. No idea of the numbers of females you are talking about but think I understand where you are coming from. I had commented to a male friend that I could not understand why I would be getting certain types of men adding me, eg overtly sexual, into wife sharing blah blah blah. I was like where on my profile does it list that I share those interests !!! And he pointed out that my profile was actually quite sexual at a glance, so yeah had to tweak that. The sexual content is still there, just moved around a bit, not first thing you see. Also I have to accept that some people on my friends' list are indeed, openly very sexual people, they stay, more to them than sex lol. So I was trying to explain this point to a female member last night, if you have a sexy avatar ie showing some flesh, you have to accept you WILL get a lot of attention and not all of it nice. Does NOT make it right, and yes sure it can be wearing for them. But milkshakes do bring all the boys to the yard. Hey if it did not work why would do some men use the same style of avatar themselves !!! It would help if people were respectful when contacting other members, perhaps that is part of the problem. But if you attract a crowd a few of them are going to be rude and crude.

Just what I try to tell all the other women here who want to post raunchy or racy avatars, and then not like it when some guy messages them. You can't have your cake and eat it too!

To a point, EP is all about self expression, the majority of women I see with suggestive avatars don't complain, well not that I have seen. But there are a few who seem shocked at the negative attention it brings.

"Often times these women are just the types who are specifically on a networking site just to talk about sex and their love for sex anyway, yet don't want men messaging them about it. But I discovered that many of these women sending those warnings often put their real pictures on their pages and really only like to give those warnings just to make you think that they're beautiful in the eyes of many men and that men send them inappropriate messages much less often than they really do, if at all. "

I am not guilty of committing any of those crimes. I never had posted a picture of myself on my page (except for 2 FUNNY ones I uploaded like 2 days ago). You can thoroughly read all of my stories and you will not find any dirty stuff in it, except for the times when I am kidding (but it is 100% obvious I am only fooling around because my tone makes it so obvious). However, I do agree with you. There are some women out there who are like that but it's not fair to paint us all with the same brush. Why not write an article discouraging pervs from contacting us? The reason why *I* name and shame pervs is because when I first joined EP, three men were sexually harassing me on my white board and inbox as well. I had no pictures of me up back then, either. I was ignoring them. I literally never said anything to them, except asking them to stop messaging me. When they continued harassing me, I blocked all three men and that's when I decided to start naming and shaming pervs so any man who DARES to contact me knows what's going to happen to him...and...not surprisingly, it's worked. I haven't received a single perverted messaging after exposing a perv in the Q&A section not too long ago.

Oh, I hear ya. But I didn't say all women post their pictures, I said they 'often' do. And I don't paint ALL women that way, but A LOT of them do this as a way to try to show how much attention they get from men that is sometimes a lie to soothe their own ego. The popular myth is that men have such an ego they like to boast, but I think more often than men it's women with the egos who like to appear oh so sexy and desired by all or most men. I say this because women tend to see looks as worth and depend on them to attract men. Men, however, don't need or rely on their looks to get a woman or get sex.

...but it is true, though, I mean, when was the last time you saw an unattractive women with an attractive man? I've seen many attractive women dating unattractive men but not vise versa. Men care about looks a lot more than they like to admit and so that's why women, in turn, worry about the way they look because that is the only way they can attract men. If we lived in a society that placed as much importance on intelligence and other talents as it does on looks, women would act a lot more different. I have written a story on this topic, of course, and it is a really sad reality. I do agree with you, though, although I don't know if I'll say A LOT of them do that...but then again, I don't interact with many women on this site so I'll take your word for it LOL :P

I see unattractive women with attractive men all the time! Though keep in mind that your perception of what is unattractive to a man is actually very attractive to him. But, yes, there are pretty women dating ugly men, but again it goes back to what I was saying about men not needing looks to get a woman. I've definitely seen ugly guys with beautiful girls, but I've also seen it vice versa. Men care about looks to a small extent, whereas women tend to care about looks to an extent that means nothing to men. It's why women judge each other based on looks and try to compete. Men don't care if her "butt is big" or if she's got a little cellulite. That's stuff women care about in themselves and even in other women. I write about more of this for my gender book.

ahh you should read my Message to All Women on EP ;) (featured story)

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I had starting getting lewd and suggestive personal messages but then I deleted my account and all my stories. Recently I came back to EP and have joined select few groups and written even fewer stories. Even though I am using the very same name that I was using before, I have yet to receive any unwanted emails. I am changing how and what I write about on this site and I'm sure I won't find it necessary to block anyone, again.

An interesting observation Nate. I suspect that some of what you say applies to some of the woman who protest ... but equally there are those who are genuinely pestered continually. Personally, I have the "can't contact me if you're not in my circle" button well and truly pressed and it stops all the nonsense. I get something like ten new fans a day, all of whom are attracted by the fact that I have a "red dot" and are obviously up for it with every male in town (!) ... since most of the fans are called "hugedick" or "uluvbigguns" or "mypenisisthebest" it's pretty obvious what kind of contact and friendship they have in mind. But it's all par for the course on the internet ... and I never add any of these fine specimens to my circle unless one of them really takes my fancy and comments on stories and tries to communicate (I make them work for it you see!). This probably makes me sound like a terrible prima donna .. but I do see both sides of it .. However, all's fair in EPLand I suppose and you have to take the rough with the smooth.

I hear ya. All's supposed to be fair in EPLand, but there are women who hate me having an opinion about women yet they can say whatever they want about men. It's ridiculous.

Well, for what it's worth, I really dislike it when men claim to "know" women - like we're some sort of general species that can be known en masse ... so the fact that you can actually differentiate and say that some things that some women do are not to your liking, or whatever ... is a good thing as far as I'm concerned as it shows that you recognise that women are not ALL the same ... anyway, I don't really take any of this terribly seriously to be honest ... it's all in fun as far as I'm concerned.

I can see how you would dislike that, because I myself hate when women think they know so much about men. It's pretty irritating.

we agree :)

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Yes, I have seen the disclaimers on a woman's profile, but really...I felt they needed to have them there as the men here can be relentless....I have received messages from many undesirables...so I understand! However, I do understand where you are coming from! Thanks for posting this!!!

But here's the funny thing: I myself have recieved some sexual messages from women, and another guy friend of mine gets them from women constantly, yet neither one of us feels the need to post any warnings about them. We just delete and keep moving on! Lol!

Haha....well, women are sneaky things! Lol! That's right, delete and keep it movin'!

I like the way you think, turning it around like that

Well, not really turning it around. More like it was that way from the beginning, somebody just had to finally call the bullsh!t, lol!

Yep

You clearly have thought this through much deeper than I ... and arrived at a much different conclusion. I guess I tend to believe people are honest and that anyone making such a claim, man or woman, would be sincere. Who knows ... but I know I won't over think it ... or assume they are as you depict them.

It's the Internet, how "honest" do you think most people are? Overthinking? Sounds more like you're jealous or something because you didn't realize it.

I had not considered your thoughts until I read this and you are correct,I see many women saying those things in their profile...I will always wonder from now on when they post such a thing.

Yep, all it takes is a little independent thought. You have to ask yourself, "Really? Is this really going on that much or am I just being taken for a fool?" It's just like in real life how some women try to act like they're so annoyed by the attention they claim they get from a lot of men. They only act like that cuz they WISH they were really that desirable to men. Women who really do get lots of attention often don't feel they need to make that known to everybody. I'm a guy who gets the same attention from women and even I don't put it in everybody's face!

Interesting. No doubt plenty of women are being approached by the sex creeps; however, I think when you post a warning it acts more as a magnet rather than deter. Creeps are persistent and revel in annoyance -- getting in the last word "Oh, so you're not here for sex? Well, I'm going to send you a message anyway." Easier to ignore or block.

Exactly.

Wow, I really had no idea. I always thought they were just uptight and unable to figure out how to laugh off the dirty picture and hit the block button.

Ha ha! Exactly, my friend. Some of it is uptightness, but I'm sure a lot of it is just dramatic play.

So, basically you're saying that these drama queens are trying to make them appear more popular & desired than they really are just to get more attention? I can see that.

If these women are having such an issue with this problem....there's an easy solution. Don't allow messages from anyone outside their circle...and screen those who want to be friends.

Problem solved!

I bet none of them would take my suggestion though.....after all they are drama queens.

Yeah, that's basically what I'm saying. But I'm also saying that even if they are getting these messages, having to tell everyone all about them is still they're way of trying to get some sort of attention, or just to boast that they get dirty mail too. Maybe even to compete with other women who do too.

No, they probably wouldn't take your suggestion just like they don't take mine when I talk with 'em one on one.