Optional/disposable

I have been hurt many times by the one who never should have hurt me, the one who should have been trying to protect not destroy the woman he once claimed to have loved. I was once sweet, innocent, and very trusting and then it all changed suddenly the world hurt again. I gave the past several years of my life, dedicated everything I had to my husband and our marriage only to recieve betrayal after betrayal. His abuse wasn't physical but he beat the... out of my heart, fill in with the word of your choice. I could not believe the one I loved so deeply and trusted so much that I not only had married  but I had 4 children by could do this to me. Then it dawned on me, I was disposable to him why shouldn't he be disposable to me.... I didn't cheat but I did shut my feelings for him down to were they did not show anymore because after so many times of him cheating and doing things that hurt me besides that I didn't have the need to feel anymore. Plus you should have seen the look on his face when the laxatives in the food kicked  in and I told him I had spit in his food, he pooped before he could get to a bathroom. Oh I know it wasn't the nicest way I could have handled it but I was pregnant with what would have been our ...th child togeather and I had had enough... Needless to say eventually he recovered from the humiliation and I felt guilty for what I did but it was a kicker espeshally the hair removal cream in his styling products and the glue I mixed into his lotion he used for... But the major one was when I cut all the under arms and crotches out of his under wear, shirts, and pants, plus I made confetti out of his socks! I broke alot of special items he got me when we were seperated and I gave them back to him in a large garbage bag with hot sauce added and fish for good measure. I ended up miscarrying a couple of monthes later and that did not help at all with how I felt but he was less of a jerk and I was nicer after that too, I think in some strange way it was supposed to happen or something. He is still a jerk, still on sites that are no good, still a cheating lying jerk but at least we aren't so strongly at war now. We are both overly critical, I just try not to voice mine aloud to him... He does the exact opposite. But my point is anyone can be disposable as long as they are optional...

Preminitions Preminitions
22-25, F
6 Responses Mar 5, 2010

Thanks, I think... Big smiles... Anyway back to work, have a good day.

Lol, I love the way you think, you are so funny, yes that's true... Big smile.

You did the right things, except you left out one.<br />
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After all of his indiscretions and apparently having no remorse, you should have while he was sleeping, "bobbed" the offending organ. That would have really gotten his attention.

Thank you, yes I tried everything... I am ironically working on an artical how to make your relationship work...

Girl you totally rock! You did all those tricks? You are my hero!

I KNOW I ****** UP I DID