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Man's Best Friend

All of my life, the majority of the friends I have had are male.  Not saying I don't have female friends, but most of those friendships have been short lived, with the exceptions of the friendships I have built in my late twenties until now.

There has been one particular instance where one of my male friends confessed years ago, back in 2001, that I am the perfect woman for him to build a relationship with.  I knew he was sincere in his words, but how serious could I take this provided it was the day before he was to get married to his first wife?  I felt like he and I would have been great together, but because of his marriage and because I was moving from my home state to another state, it would be better for us to keep things as friendship.

Every once in a while, I would travel back to my home state to visit.  He and I would still talk on the phone back and forth; he had confided in me that his first wife had cheated on him and got pregnant by her lover.  He filed for divorce; he began to talk again of possibility.  What would it be like if he and I were together?  I was going through a separation period with my mate; however, since there had been talk of a reconciliation, I didn't pursue it.

Shortly afterwards, the reconciliation on my end fell through.  I found out my mate had moved on to another relationship with someone in the support group that person was attending.  He and I still felt the same way about each other, so I figured the opening would be perfect.  However, when I brought it up, there was hedging on his part.  I chalked up to, "He needed time to really think about it."

Next time he and I are back in contact, he's involved with a new woman, planning on walking down the aisle again, although she has already cheated on him a few times before the marriage.  I voiced how I felt about the situation, and I didn't bring up the things he said about us being together.

Now fast forward to the present (this has gone on in a span for about 11 years now)....he and his 2nd wife constantly going back and forth with being together and breaking up.  She's doing the same thing as the first wife with the infidelity, only without the kids...because she already has three kids from a previous union. 

And guess what conversations are popping out of his mouth, yet again.

Needless to say, I don't want to hear anymore about my being the "perfect woman" for him.  I'm perfect for him only when his relationships are going sour.  I have observed when the opportunity has been presented, with no complications, aka "both of us are available", he takes no action.  Why do I have to be appealing when one or both are in situations? 

No, I will still be his listening ear, his friend, but I am not here to help him cheat on his spouse.

Just wanted to share my story.
n0labels n0labels 31-35, F 2 Responses Mar 5, 2012

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Maybe you are the perfect woman for him. You've out lasted two wives. Sometimes friendship, platonic friendship, is so much better than mucking things up with other kinds of feelings.. These women will come and go out of his life but you'll still have each other. If it were me I wouldn't be able to not ask why he does that, it would drive me crazy to not understand and to have my feelings hurt and not make it known... but if you're satisfied with the decision you've made to let it go, then good for you :) I wish I could come to those kinds of conclusions with out the need to discuss it.

It must be hurting deep down. Not to be used is very important and to be aware of it and not fall in to the trap. Not to be playing second fiddle.