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I'm Not I Love With My Husband

I have been married for 9 years on November 30th, but I have been with my husband since 1996. We have 2 beautiful children. The problem is, I am falling out of love. It's been a rocky road for quite some time. My husband likes to drink and when he does he drinks to get drunk. he also comes from a family of drinkers. I have cried and argued too many times because of this alone. He doesn't feel it is a danger to our children or his income because he doesn't get violent or not go to work. He is self employed so it isn't is somewhat easier in his eyes. He doesn't see my point of view. He grew up thinking it was fun to drink with his mom and grandma and be in a bar as a child. I did not grow up the same. Alcohol was something my family had in moderation on holidays. I don't believe getting drunk with your mother in front of the kids is appropriate. It's just not what I feel is normal behavior. When the kids were born, I wasn't as fun to him as I used to be. I guess one of us had to grow up and be responsible. He doesn't go to bars that often but does have people over to our place by the river. It usually depends on who he is drinking with. I don't like his mother at all! She is the biggest influence on my husband as far as drinking. The kids have told me they don't like to see him drunk. His self employment income has become half of what it was last year. We are struggling financially. I work full time and keep us going while we wait for him to get paid or get work. It is getting us so far behind. I am afraid one day we might lose our home. He refuses to look for employment because he might get busy with work. So we wait. He is big into hunting and fishing. It seems that it is the only thing he cares about. He doesn't participate in the kids's activities, help me with the house, or any other support. I feel like we are room mates. We don't sleep in the same bed, make love more than a few times a month. He expects so much from me but is not willing to give me anything in return. I just don't know if I can go on like this. My anxiety is horrible, I am always stressed. I am ready to give up on this marriage!
frenchie11 frenchie11 31-35 3 Responses Nov 15, 2011

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It sounds like you are already supporting your family so how about giving him an ultimatum: Grow up or get out!

The drinking has got to stop, the working has got to START- (His mechanic business doesn't seem to be working out so he should get a job at a shop or find something to support his family...if he wants to keep his "business" he can do it on the side) and get him a nail brush and some good soap and tell him to use it.

Just lay down the law and tell him if he doesn't like it, he can leave. If he won't leave, have him removed. Maybe he'll change. Good luck.

I know exactly what you are going through. I too have been married for 6 years and my husband is disgusting to me. First of all he is a mechanic and hates to wash his hands. We don't sleep together due to his hygiene and he has the nerve to ask me why I don't want to have sex with him. Nothing about him is attractive to me. He is on this dead end job, and is not trying to better himself. I want so badly to buy a home to raise my kids in, but his credit is shot and now mine is too because I've always been the one to have to make all decisions on how we were going to make it. Robbing peter to pay paul. He has to have alcohol everyday. When he drinks he is even more disgusting. I lost my mom and dad a couple of years ago and don't really have any family. If I could, I would leave and never look back. I feel that I am trapped because it is hard to find a place to live without good credit. I had to find this place we are in, but it is about to fall apart. He is just in hog heaven as long as he can run to that raggedy job and drink beer everyday. I feel as if he is using me. He eats when I cook, he never goes to the grocery store. He does not take or pick up the kids from school. He really has no role in their lives. He is annoying and disgusting. I wish that I could just find me a little place for my children and I and live happily without him.

Trapped and Disgusted...

So give up. What do you have to lose? It sounds like the kids aren't cheering for the relationship either. Give him an ultimatum: grow up and be a real dad, or get lost.