Am I Bad?

I am not a secretive person. In my family, I'm the blabber-mouth. So when I say that what I am about to type is something I haven't told anyone, I mean that it has killed me to not confide in someone...my mom, or my sister, or my best friend. I wonder if I'm terrible, and I don't want anyone I know personally to think that I am, so I keep this a secret.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We were inseperable before getting married. Peas-sharing-a-pod style. When we got married, something just changed...I really can't say what(or who?) it was. My husband grew to be a monster. He verbally and emotionally abused me. The abuse only grew worse after the birth of our first child who is now 2 years old. I came to be withdrawn. I rarely got dressed or even showered. I wished that an airplane would fall out of the sky into my house and kill me. I dreaded waking up. My husband blamed me for everything and I just accepted it out of resignment. Finally I left him. I went home with my mom and sister. My son and I stayed there for almost a year.

Then my husband changed. He got a real job. He started trying to buy a house instead of sponge off of everyone he knows. He became committed to me because he realized he was miserable without me and that I was right and he WAS an *******. We moved back in together...I'm expecting a second child. Things have been great.....Except, I don't love him. It isn't that I'm angry or hurt. I just feel nothing for him. Like how I feel about people I don't know. I hate to kiss him or be intimate. And I'm not a good liar. I'm sure he has noticed the lack of affection.

What can I do?

turtleracer turtleracer
22-25
1 Response Aug 11, 2010

You can't feel whats not in your heart,emotions are what they are.You have to ask yourself this question is this good enough for you for the rest of your life,it means that you will be giving up so others can have.Putting everyones elses happiness instead of yours,if you are content with that than stay and pretend has if you have a great marriage.But remember if you stay you will always feel empty,like you have everything but in reality you have nothing.Do you think if you stay long enough that you can find that love for your husband you once had,you should at least try so that if you decided to leave it will be guilt free because you would have done all that you can do.If anything do it for your children,someday they will grow up into adult hood and you want to feel good about your decsion weather you stay or go.<br />
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I rather my parents divorce than to stay together because of the sake of children.So before you make a decison,take the time out and think of what you would like for your future and than decied what to do.People always stay in a loveless marriage for all the wrong reasons,there familes, there comfort zone, there freinds,socitey or because its the right thing to do but nobody ever mentions love,passion,romance no of course not becausae reallyl what is that, so big deal if thats not in your marriage you have everything else so what else can you possbly ever want.<br />
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Well take care and never feel quilty about how you feel thats part of being human.<br />
If you need to talk more you can write me in private,good luck