The Other Side....being The Other Woman

All my life...I have believed in faithfulness to your spouse or significant other, not because it was instilled in me, but because of the pain I have seen others go through when unfaithfulness happens. It wasn't pretty, and I never wanted it to happen to me, but who does right? I was married right out of high school and had my little family...we were VERY faithful to each other from day 1....fast forward 13 Yrs...he became very ill with terminal kidney disease...our relationship quickly turned into a nurse/patient union....it was OK though, I loved him and wanted to take care of him....after a couple of Yrs, there was no intimacy left in our marriage but I remained faithful to him until he passed away 5 Yrs later. Because I was married at a young age, I didn't experience much when it came to men....boy did I get a wake up call! I started dating again 7 months after he passed away...I was confused about how I should feel...about trying to get over the death of someone who was and still is a part of my life for 21 Yrs...and how to move on and find happiness again. I decided to try online dating, I am a mother first and just don't get out much. I met a Guy on eharmony that was wonderful ( or so I thought) he said all the right things, opened doors, was a complete gentlemen. A month and a half after we met, he told me his job was sending him to Colorado for a year and he realized he could lose me if he went...we talked about it and decided to stay together, only seeing each other once a month.....it didn't seem strange to me at all...people work out of state all the time. The phone calls got shorter...again no clue something was wrong...he would call me 10-12 times a day just to tell me how much he loves me. Looking back..there were red flags
everywhere....I just was too
inexperienced to see. Secret phone
calls, late night text messages, no
meeting his family.... I was so
stupid! 6 months later...he calls me
and tells me he has no internet
connection and he needs info from his checking account but I would have to get in his email to do so...that's where I found exchanged emails between the 2 of them...he tried to convince me that she was an old friend...I knew better so I emailed her...she also didn't know about me. I was angry and hurt...I cried constantly, lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks, my confidence and self esteem were completely gone(which I have never had a problem with...I am 40 but look 30 and I am pretty attractive) she isn't...so I really had a wth? Moment....still do to this day. I cut all ties with him in February(a month later)but I was a walking
disaster and I was concerned about his health because he is bipolar and he had some trouble when all of this went down and was admitted to the hospital...(should've ran then and never looked back) on April 1st I called him to see how he was....you know where this leads...he said that she and him no longer were together and he realized that its always been me that he is "IN LOVE
WITH"... I ALWAYS worried if he was cheating again or if he even stopped...it was miserable! a month
later he tells me he doesn't think
he's emotionally ready for anything
so I decided to date other men
also....which he knew about. They
were only dates...nothing more. A
friend of mine set me up with
another friend of hers....we hit it off immediately and I soon told my cheater about him and how fir the first time in my life...I could be me. He cried begged me to stay, told me things would be different...I stayed....and for 2 wks I didn't talk to or see this other Guy......I missed him and the person I was when I was with him so I text him and of course he replied because like me...he could be himself when we were together. I still loved my cheater but ended it with him because I knew I deserved more. I was curious though whether he had been truthful for those 4 months....I emailed the other woman....she's so stupid....she wanted proof....really? OK so I gave her proof......she stayed with him! Desperate much?! It still hurts today...not because I want him back....hell no! But because of what he did and what he reduced me to. I'm still hurt and pissed and have to keep myself from contacting him because its not fair to me or my new Guy (who is teriffic and treats me and my kids like gold) I still have questions, but not sure I want the answers.... I found out....IM HAPPY BEING ME....and that is all I will ever be....there's only one of me and I have to take care of her :) I will NEVER let someone reduce me to less than I am again. sad thing is....what about her? She will get hurt repeatedly by him.....but....if she is stupid enough to stay......
shelin71 shelin71
36-40, T
8 Responses Sep 18, 2012

She's not stupid, just insecure and probably doesn't believe she can do any better. Sad really...

Its so obsessive and hard to break the bond. But you can , concentrate on you and this new great guy , why ruin that for him. You need to grieve and its probably hard to do that when you are with this guy but your head must tell you that he isnt worth it?

He does sweep me off my feet, he would never disrespect me..he has never drank around me. Its just when he is around his friends he gets drunk...this last weekend somebody tackled him and he's hurt and doesn't even remember what happened.

Plus he drinks a lot atleast lately and does stupid stuff...he's 43 I have a daughter left to raise...I don't wanna be with an alcoholic.....that has turned me off of him a little

Yah...I really like him and so do my kids, but I'm trying to take things slow and build a great friendship with him first...we are intimate and sometimes I think we rushed that...which makes things a little tense because it makes me afraid

Yah I am pretty pissed....I never want the jackass back so no worries there but yah there are still feelings for him...how can there not be after a year? But you're right if I seen the movie...I would not rent it a 3rd time...lol and the 2nd time...I should have junk punched him and slapped her for being so stupid

My first heart break at the age of 40...lol...kinda comical really!

I was hoping someone would add their 2 cents in and tell me how to get over this idiot....not to get over him per say but how to get over what he did. It is so hard to trust someone now and give them all of me....he ******** me of so much and I'm sick of all the anxiety attacks and waiting for something bad to happen to ruin everything.....any advice?

well, I wish I could give you some magic solution to the issue of being the other woman of the cheating man. The problem is really not him but you. and I mean that in a nice way cause I am where you are. When you broke things off with him i bet you felt a weight come off your heart for a little while. You knew you had done the right thing. But then the hours and days go by and you start to miss him, but its not really him you miss but the idea of the perfect relationship that you hoped for, wanted, and expected to happen with him. You need to concentrate on how he made you feel when he wasn't there, when he lied and made you feel insignificant. Those are the things that will get you thru it, and time.. lots of time...