Dominated At Birth

I had two extremely domineering parents, both also being very narcissistic. They both spoke to mirrors on the wall(metaphorically speaking) 
I was constantly told I would never amount to anything and that I was good for nothing.  Unfortunately for me, I believed them.  Believing that you will never amount to anything sets the foundation for failure and fear of failure.  My attempts at happiness ended in expected failure and thus I lost  any hopes for life to being meaningful.  I was only 4 years old. Shortly after an incident of being molested by a family friend at the kitchen table and then being raped at 6yrs by a hospital intern, I had no more interest in this horrible life.  Yet I as much as I am anticipating death, I lack the courage to end my own life.  I rolled through the motions of being a wife and mother and when the children started their own lives, I seemed to disappear with the wallpaper.  I sit alone now and wait for this life to end and all the counselling and years of therapy have done nothing for me, religion was the worst of all.  I find temporary happiness in a favorite food or favorite pastime.  Although I've been told I'm very attractive and pleasant to be around, I have NO friends.  I sit alone every night and every weekend.  I trust noone. 
Silverstuff Silverstuff
51-55, F
2 Responses Aug 1, 2010

god<br />
i swear i have the same story<br />
i wonder how im still alive <br />
ninacobain666@hotmail.fr so we can talk

god<br />
i swear i have the same story<br />
i wonder how im still alive <br />
ninacobain666@hotmail.fr so we can talk