From A Curse To A Blessing

It used to be a horrible thing to be different! It used to bring forth many feelings of complete inadequacy because I couldn't relate at all to what other girls my age were doing. I HATE clothes shopping - still do! It's about as exciting to me as grocery shopping. I have no idea what the fashions are, I just want to look clean and unfreakish. Whenever a conversation switches to clothes/fabric/shops I zone out, can't help it.
And that's just one thing!
I am a mother of 3 but am not the nurturing type - I didn't know that before I had children or I wouldn't have had them. Being a mother is a struggle for me, not something I enjoy and while I freely admit it now, it was my deepest, darkest shame a few years back. Not that I don't take my responsibilty very seriously, I do! And I hope that I'm doing right by the poor wee mites! But it's somehow completely unwomanly to admit to your failings as a mother. To me, it's just human and, honest!
There's more that makes me different too but I could sit and list the ways all day. All I know is, that it used to be a curse to be different but now that I have embraced it as a part of my wide and varied self, it is a blessing.
I love being different and hope to meet lots of other really different people here at EP.
BBWKiwimouse BBWKiwimouse
36-40, F
3 Responses Jul 18, 2010

Outstanding post and replies!! It sometimes take so long for us to embrace who we really are. We spend much of our lives trying to fit others' categories or following guideline set by our environment until one day we break free and realize that we are the ONLY ones on the planet capable of judging who we are supposed to be. Thanks for sharing!

Ahhhhhhh! So well said!! Thank you so much Basementsong. And that's in consisely! <br />
As SOON as I stopped comparing myself to everyone around me it became very clear and very 'easy' to be me - no guilt, no recrimination. <br />
Our faults help define us, our mistakes help us grow - they are as much a part of us as our skin, and our kin and equally as difficult to change. So why not instead embrace them, love them regardless for what is true love if not complete acceptance? And how can we love another without first loving our self?

What courage to turn and face the demon that has sought to keep you it's prisoner. <br />
"The truth will set you free"<br />
If you would allow me, I'd like to share a story of what was inspiration for me:<br />
A friend of mine is a luthier (makes/repairs stringed instruments) He was nearing an end of his self-imposed apprenticeship. Having collected, saved & dried the exotic wood which he intended to make various instruments from. 12 yrs had passed, and he felt ready to make his first attempt. And did so.<br />
Upon completion, he called and asked if I would like to see it. I had been impatiently waiting for some time, as I knew that the wood in his skilled hands was destined to become a masterpiece.<br />
As I looked over this instrument, then played it, sweet tones emanating from it's body, thought, indeed,<br />
I am not disappointed. It was everything I had expected from my friend. I knew of his integrity and painstaking methods to seek perfection.<br />
Then he began showing me where the 'flaws' were and said, "yeah, I didn't quite have it clamped properly here, not enough glue here and etc." Personally I saw no flaw what-so-ever even in my most critical mood. But, I knew he did. So as to console my good friend, I said, "John (not his real name but by request I use the moniker, 'John Doe') You know, this was your first attempt. You'll improve as you go,<br />
and furthermore, the flaws are hardly noticeable." He replied, "What? Oh, uh, no, my friend, I think you miss my meaning. You see, I know this instrument is made well. I know what was put into it and your faith in my ability is not wasted. I feel I have done well. But you see, just like human beings, this instrument is identified by and is made unique by it's flaws! These cannot be recreated, even by me. This instrument is as unique as every human being ever born, as every snowflake that has ever fallen. No one can copy this. It's uniqueness is it's value."<br />
Then I began looking at my own 'flaws' in a more honest light. I realized that there is nothing here that cannot be corrected if needed. Then I wondered who is setting the standards? (a journey in itself)<br />
Finally, I concluded that because we are all so different, there really is nothing to compare to. I set my own standards, and within a healthy morality and code that tells me right from wrong, that is sufficient.<br />
As Henry David Thoreau stated: "Every man walks to the beat of a different drummer"