Forever Alone

These past two years have done nothing but wreak havoc on my life. About two years ago my "family" decided to buy a house, to which my brother and I (whom I hate) showed reluctance. My parents simply replied with, "Things will get better."

They haven't.

Last year nearly brought my parents were on the verge of divorce. Money was flying out the window on repairs of the house, which they were practically swindled into buying, as whoever "inspected" the house said everything was okay--never mind the hole in the roof or the basement which became moldy after a month or two. And nobody could look at it--my dad's disabled, and the rest of us are afraid of heights. Then he became increasingly angry and short-tempered, more than he was before we moved in. And that was just at home. Meanwhile I was trying to come to terms with my new-found discovery that all of my "friends" in high school were just laughing at me behind my back, and were never actually my friends after all.

And that was just last year.

This year's only been worse. My parent's financial situation has only gotten worse, and I shudder to think what will happen come May of next year when they'll be receiving $1000 less per month. Despite my academic success, this semester has been bad for me as I've been trying to cope living on my own in an apartment near my university, as well as struggling to fit in somewhere; I'll probably get kicked out of all of my Honors programs because my GPA will be slaughtered after the end of this semester. And recently, I got into a "relationship," which was in reality just some b*tch lying to me about being my girlfriend. The punchline, though, is that she was trying to avoid being one of the liars I mentioned from high school, which she ended up becoming anyway by lying to me to begin with. What really burns me up is that I opened up to her. I let her TOUCH me, something that I think is morally wrong until marriage. And look what it's gotten me.

I hate my family, so I can't stand spending anytime with them whatsoever, including Christmas; unfortunately, I have to go home for the day because that was one of the conditions to letting me live in an apartment (it was either that or I would've had to drop out of college). And all of my college "friends" don't even take the time to talk to me, let alone remember my birthday or say "Merry Christmas." I don't have a significant other who I can spend the day with. I have always been, and always will be, alone on Christmas. I just want the day to be finished so I can pack my things and leave for my apartment. Maybe I'll have the luck of getting into a car crash or something that'll end up with me being dead; God knows that would be better than staying on this miserable Earth any longer.
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Dec 6, 2012