No Mom, No Mother's Day; Only Flowers I Can Send Are On Her Grave


 

This is a phenomenom many of us experience, even though we rarely do have the luxury of admiting openly, wether we are tough burly dads, free spirited artists, daring soldiers or just a lonely teenager. That annoying lump in the throat, feeling vulnerable and afraid, just like you did when you first slept alone as a child. Followed by the strong urge to cry and rush in the safety of Momma's warm arms. To lean against her, or being safe and sound in Daddy's lap, knowing they will catch you when you fall, beat the Big Bad Wolf of your nightmares, teach them all a lesson for even trying to hurt their precious one. The absolute knowledge that once you reach Mom and Dad, nothing bad would ever ever dare to follow you. The gentle yet strong protective grip of them around your quaking pyjama clad 8 year old form. Alas, that we leave these as we grow up. We grow up strong, standing straight in the real world, far away from the playground swings and seasme Street wall papers and ofcourse momma and dad to protect you. Gone are the days when you just have to ask for a treat and you get your favorite chocolated coated cereal straight away. Now you fight, you clamber through the crowds, get pushed, get hurt, you fall and you have to get up on your feet ignoring the bleeding knee and Momma aint comming to clean it up and 
bandage it. You have to make your own decisions. Noone's gonna have your back now 'cause its a dog eat dog world and you get stabbed on the back, you are trodden upon if you dont move fast enough. Many of us tend to trust people around, a habit we pick up from childhood, only to be slapped back to reality. yeah because they aint your Daddy whose first priority is you. WE expect alot and fall back and cry. But now we dont have shoulders to cry on and we lean on ourselves and cry. Cry cry cry till your heart bleeds. Cry till your pillow is damp with the force of your emotions. Yes now you must stifle your cries and strangle your wails because you are now somebody else's strong armor and what will the kids say when they see daddy cries too? So now you shut it off and it builds up inside. It builds up inside and one day, maybe when you see the little girl with the red baloon being lifted up by her dad you suddenly wants your back too? you too want to be held inside strong arms, to be told everythings gonna be ok. But you cant do it anymore. So you hug yourself and cry, you cry and hide and hide and cry again. Yeah thats one of those days for me. Only silent brick walls are the witness, only breeze ruffles my hair. As i cry myself to sleep, my mom dressed in white comes and hugs me and sing me a lullaby. I drop my head in her lap and she strokes my forehead. I close my eyes as i drift away, only to wake up next day, oh just another day of being strong.
ashfate ashfate
18-21, F
May 12, 2012