I Feel Guilty

My mother died 4 years ago, the day before my first wedding anniversary. For the first time since, this year Mother's Day and the anniversary fall in the same week and I'm really struggling to cope with it. I've hated seeing the cards in the shops, and would quite happily just pretend that Sunday is no different to any other day.

But I feel so guilty - for my children, who are still young and very excited about the cards they've made for me at school, but mostly for my husband. I should be looking forward to celebrating the anniversary of the happiest day of our lives, but I just can't. I'd much rather skip next week altogether. 

Plus I'm so grumpy and short-tempered with my whole family all of the time, and it's not their fault I'm feeling miserable. I just wish I could grieve inside, and not inflict it on the rest of the world.

In another week everything will probably be fine again, but I don't want to be going through this every year for ever.

jd93 jd93
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 20, 2009

quite understandable. i went through the same thing, only it was my birthday. . and i actually made my mom cook me a birthday feast, that guilts been killing me for 9 years.. all i could say is though it is very hard to carry on with life, it would be good if you cherish the memories but move on if only for the sake of ur kids.