My Mother Beat Me With Weapons!

When I was a young child I remember the love I had for both my parents and I was the youngest, I sat at the dinner table begging my mother and father to never leave each other, I don't know why I felt so strongly because I don't have any memories of ever doing anything with my parents except visiting my grandparents in Germany, we did live there until I was 5 but I do remember it clearly though. Well my father left my mother when I was 8 and I've only seen him about 9 times since, the last time was 1993. When I became disabled he still never contacted me at all, for some reason my brother with learning difficulties speaks to him. My mother used to say "wait till your father gets home" but when he left she lost her weapon cause my dad was very nasty when he got angry, I cut my head open once and he didn't like it cause my mothert had to pay attention to me so he got a towel and flicked it in my face, I was 6 years old when that happened. Anyway my mother started using violence to punish me and most of the time I was set up by my brother, she tried killing me and openly admiting it to me, she used to get the weights my brothers trained with in the bedroom and throw them at me and even forcing me down on a weights bench with a big bar accross my neck trying to strangle me. I remember very clearly my mother telling me how she tried aborting me in the womb by drinking alcohol a shoving objects up herself trying to kill me, well being told such a nasty thing is one thing but to wish that it actually happened quite a few times is what still hurts today. Maybe that was how I got the tumours on my spinal cord, you never know really! The dumb thing is as a child other parents and teachers used to praise me all the time saying how well behaved I was and mature plus sport wise I was very good especially at the javelin and I used to win loads of competitions but not once did any of my parents watch me. There was a certificate on the wall in my mothers house of my brother who was older than me winning the javelin which I also won but on mine it said "NEW RECORD" but that went in the drawer. Ever since I can remember I used to hide hoping they would notice I was gone and no matter how long I hid none ever noticed me gone, what a strange thing to do! Anyway since I've been diagnosed with having cancer but benign and that could make me depressed etc I thought maybe one member of my family would understand how much I suffer but not one has bothered, when I split up from my ex wife I went into a care home because I had just had major surgery and one of my brothers went to visit my ex instead of me in the care home, this is how loyal my family is but why don't I feel like them because I am a very loyal person. My dog could show my family a thing or 2 about loyalty. There was emotional abuse all the time and my mother married again to a violent racist thieving bully who used to always bragg about who he had beaten up and how he broke the law all the time, he told my black friends off for walking past his house when they live just down the road. You can imagine the foul language he uses on black people. I'm ashamed. When he came into my mothers life that was when I stopped being part of the family and started going off doing my own thing. That's another story. I haven't mentioned everything because there isn't enough time. It was a rubbish childhood, I left home when I was 16.
Anandadas Anandadas
41-45, M
4 Responses Jun 12, 2010

after u commented on my story, i noticed something about ur mother trying to kill u, and here i read a longer version of ur story, what can i say to you, is it strange that i felt i wish we met in a different life and i was ur mother, i hope im not scaring u, this was the first thing that came to my mind...but i need to ask u how are you feeling now, is it still painful? and what about ur health, are u in pain, and are u on any kind of medication?why did ur wife leave?sorry if i have too many questions, and excuse my language, English is not my native language.

Wow. We really do have a lot in common...

Oh no you are a very young person who should feel protected by your family not abused, plus your too young to not be living at home. I don't know why people have kids if they don't love them properly. I've seen it on the streets in London cause I used to give out free food to anyone who wanted it, the homeles, the hungry anyone really! People who suffer become more aware of that feeling of empathy and because of my bad childhood I feel for those whose childhoods are bad and understand that feeling of not being worth anything to anyone. I found that when I get treated like I'm rejected it always hurts, I suppose you could say it's an open wound. I fell for someone recently but they are not replying to me at the moment and I haven't got a clue why, it makes me feel worthless when I get treated like that, my heart is hurting at the moment because of yet again being rejected. I don't go around giving myself to just anyone and when I do I mean it, but for some reason I don't get the same respect back. One day we might live in a world where people mean what they say and then there is no need for upset. When I get stressed I get very ill and these last few days I have been vomiting and stayed in bed because my heart is broken.

this is such a sad story, i am actally crying. i feell your pain and i now how you feel. my uncle tried to sexually abuse me, and the rest of the family ditched me. now i am forced to live with my boyfriend, one that i have only had for 3weeks. and basicly every 9 weeks i will be left on the street by yet another un loyal crual person in this evil world we call earth.