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It Would Have Been Easier To Forgive.

24 years ago I was supposed to be aborted. My parents made the mature decision that they were not emotionally ready to raise a child. It would have been one of those despised "convenience abortions." My mother made an appointment and went to a clinic. Because she started crying, she was sent home to make sure this was what she wanted. She never got up the nerve to go back. When I tell this story, usually people say how great that is because here I am and isn't that fantastic. They didn't see the 18 years of abuse at the hands of someone who should quite simply never have been a mother. They weren't there for my suicide attempts that started when I was only ten years old. They don't see how hard it is every day to function normally even now because being hated by the one person who everyone tells you loves you above all others teaches you to hate yourself. They certainly aren't there on the days when I fail; the days when the hopelessness and self-loathing and fear are so bad I throw up and scream and weep.

Everyone asks me "Isn't this better than never having been born?"

No.
therainbowyouvebeenlookingfor therainbowyouvebeenlookingfor 22-25 Mar 26, 2011

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