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Everything Is Fine

You ask and I lie.

I'm great. Just don't delve deeper.
I'm not okay. Not even close.
I've been on autopilot so long I'm scared to turn it off. I'll be like a blank page. blinking stupidly at myself in the mirror, not sure who is looking back at me.
I'm on the verge of homelessness. I'm considering suicide. I'm eating myself to death. I pull out my own hair, because I find comfort in that. I hate myself. I hate the life I've created. I hate that I'm too gutless to turn it around.
So there it is. I'm great. Let's just not bother sorting thru what that really means.
DerbyFox DerbyFox 31-35 2 Responses Feb 11, 2012

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truthfully, i'm a realist. i see the glass as neither being half full nor, half empty. i simply see, the water.<br />
i'm 60 y.o. and have learned that we make our own opportunities in this life.<br />
i once ask God for happiness. i eventually received an answer. i realized that i get God's Blessings. happiness? is up to .....me.<br />
i've recently been diagnosed with a type of Dementia that will leave me an empty shell. it will be the end of me. am i "happy" about it? er.......no. i AM happy with the fact that i've had parents (R.I.P.) that showed a lot of love and discipline to my sister and me.<br />
i've raised 3 sons. 2 of which turned out to be upstanding gentlemen. the 3rd. has to learn by himself that life's happiness comes from within. it's not induced by outward influences...<br />
good luck to you. i hope that you find what you are looking for.

Thank you for your time and comments. I feel that I am a realist too. I don't know how to make myself happy. I'm full of conflict and dismay. Not rainbows and sunshine. I feel as though I've taken opportunity and turned it to ash. I've wasted my youth and come out with less of myself than I began. And I'm not ready to turn this all around. I'm not sure I am capable. Time will tell.

when you change the way that you see things, the things that you see will.....change.<br />
back away from your problems and, "squint." what you see might not actually be what you think ...

You're an optimist aren't you?