I Love God, But I'm Not Okay With Him Right Now.

I've been plagued by depression for nearly five years; the stress sometimes interferes with me trying to function. But that's not why I'm upset with God.

I'm upset with God, because my Grandma died a couple weeks ago.
And because my uncle died a week ago.
And yesterday I found out that my cousin had also died.

I understand my grandma dying, because she had been dying for thirty years. (I am not exaggerating. Her doctors more recently told us that she will not probably not live longer than a few months and certainly not more than six months, but, of course, my 'stubborn old broad' of a grandmother lived much longer than that.)

I understand my uncle dying, even though I wish God didn't take him so soon after my grandma... He was obese, and he had fallen into nearly the deepest depression possible. When my mother came to my apartment to tell me he had died, she told me he had been an alcoholic. I've never drank so I don't know the amount of alcohol in most drinks, but I think my mother said it was a bottle or two of vodka each day...

But I don't understand why God gave my cousin a brain tumour. He was thirty-one. He just got married four years ago. He just had a baby... I don't know why God couldn't have taken someone older, someone without a spouse to leave behind for fifty years, someone with no kids under eighteen...

I know God does everything for a reason, but I don't see a reason for my cousin dying.
Zerelja Zerelja
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 6, 2010

Personally I don't believe God is taken all the people away, just my way of thinking. To me there are too many very innocent children taken away, but again I don't believe God is doing it. However, I lost my closest friend when he died at the age of fifty. Now that probably sounds old to you being so young, to me, but at age 59, it seemed too young. At his grave site, the preacher reminded us, no matter what takes place here on earth, in this life, heaven, as they call it, is much better. LIke they all just moved away, and though they may be different, better if you believe in God. You are not the judge, and I say this in a nice way. God is, and if God wants them, all or any who die, to be jumping for joy when they make it there, in heaven some call it, that's OK and God's business. There are lots of troubles here on earth, but if you truly believe, God will make certain it's OK in heaven. You will probably like it more there later too, but for now, your place is here, or until God says it's time for you to go. I can't know or say for sure what's after life, but it probably is better than much of what's taken place here. The people I look up to are those who are alive here on earth, but much of their life they have suffered for some reason, and yet they still love & believe, there will be coming something so great, they can't understand it all. Hope is good. Today-- just have hope. He said he would take care of the rest, even if today is your last day.