I Love God, But I'm Not Okay With Him Right Now.I've been plagued by depression for nearly five years; the stress sometimes interferes with me trying to function. But that's not why I'm upset with God.
I'm upset with God, because my Grandma died a couple weeks ago.
And because my uncle died a week ago.
And yesterday I found out that my cousin had also died.
I understand my grandma dying, because she had been dying for thirty years. (I am not exaggerating. Her doctors more recently told us that she will not probably not live longer than a few months and certainly not more than six months, but, of course, my 'stubborn old broad' of a grandmother lived much longer than that.)
I understand my uncle dying, even though I wish God didn't take him so soon after my grandma... He was obese, and he had fallen into nearly the deepest depression possible. When my mother came to my apartment to tell me he had died, she told me he had been an alcoholic. I've never drank so I don't know the amount of alcohol in most drinks, but I think my mother said it was a bottle or two of vodka each day...
But I don't understand why God gave my cousin a brain tumour. He was thirty-one. He just got married four years ago. He just had a baby... I don't know why God couldn't have taken someone older, someone without a spouse to leave behind for fifty years, someone with no kids under eighteen...
I know God does everything for a reason, but I don't see a reason for my cousin dying.