My Son's Father

I visited him today, to pick my son up from spending a weekend with him...

We talked and laughed and I told him I was engaged... He was hurt I could see it in his eyes. I secretly relished the fact that he was hurt, but then I was also sad because a little part of my still wanted there to be a chance for us... I wanted him to tell me that. I wanted him to say.. wait you cant get married because I want us to try again. But he didn't, But I could tell he wanted to... or at least I think he did.

We talked about how we were when we were together. What went wrong and when. What we each did wrong, and what we each did right.  As we talked, I started missing him. I dont know why. After everything he put me through, I should hate the bastard, but for some reason I don't.

Then out of no where I looked at him and mouthed "I want sex..."

He smiled and said "Do you want to go downstairs?"   His father was visiting from out of the country and his brother was visiting with his wife from Canada. They had a full house.. but he still wanted to try to go sneak and freak.

I laughed knowing something he didnt know, that I was on my period, but I still flirted with him.  No, we couldnt do that.. I wouldnt cheat (on my fiance) and plus they (his family would know.

But the funny part is, his family is trying to get us to try again.  The pressure is on. I think he is ony up for it, because his job has him traveling so much that he hasnt had a chance to meet a nice girl. But I think I was up for it because perhaps way deep down inside I still care for him. I do wish that the man I marry was the only man I ever had children with, but I also hope that the man I marry loves me unconditionally. and I don't think my son's father does. I dont trust him... But if I did would I pick him over my fiance...

Honestly I don't know... Man, I wish I could get over him... What the hell is wrong with me.

WunderWoman WunderWoman
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 17, 2006

Clearly you fell in love with him for a reason, and you STILL love him... but sometimes love just isn't enough. Best of luck to you...