Never Knew Him, Probably For the Best.


Never knew him, probably for the best.

Where to begin? As far as I know, I have never met my father. Everything I know of him is through family and Mom telling me.

He and my Mom had been together for awhile before she became pregnant with me. They were engaged, although I don’t know what kind of relationship it was, she says that he was a drain, had no work and was using her money to live.

Story goes that when she found out she was pregnant, and told him, he freaked out and walked out. He went right to my grand-parents home and told them that if he was given $300 dollars, he would leave her for good. They did not pay, my grandfather was furious, and my father walked out of my life before it had begun.

Soon after the spilt, Mom found out about the four or more other kids he’d had prior to meeting her, she had never known about them.

When I was about twelve or a bit older she gave me 2 photographs of him and about 3 of my grandmother. He is a good-looking guy, like me with darker skin, and both shots are side on which is annoying. His one-half Maori showing a lot stronger then my one-quarter.  The photos of my grandmother make me sad. She sits in her grey sweats, a gracious beautiful Czechoslovakian woman holding me as a baby at the only time she ever saw me.

I don’t really miss the chance to have known my father; he sounds like an opportunist…which isn’t such a bad thing…I mean on genetic terms, who is better? The man who spreads his genes far and wide or the man that has two kids to one woman? Still I know what he did is wrong and will not speak any more on that.

But I do miss the chance to know siblings, people who are half of me, brothers and sisters that might provide and hazy mirror of the man I’m to become. I imagine that I pass these brothers and sisters in my daily life… how would I know? I still hope to meet them.

And my father’s mother, what great store of family history have I missed by not knowing my Czech side? What a pity it would be to miss out on that…only two generations ago my genes were in Europe.

Anyway, for my Mum it was a good thing, she had me, sorted her life out by buying a house and moving in, the family pitched in and helped her out. And when I was four she married my step-father. So I have two step-sisters (Who I call sisters always). I had a strained relationship with my step-father which has gradually vanished from recorded history, and I love my sisters and Mum always.

I don’t feel like I have missed anything out, but know I have, possibly my life might have been greatly enriched by those few extra things I missed out on.

Some-day soon, I’ll find a way to find them.

smebro smebro
22-25, M
4 Responses May 14, 2007

If I met a sibling it would be luck. If it was easy, I would.<br />
Time will tell (But not now of course, it will tell once time has passed.)

Okay heres the thing, If I wanted to find him, I could do it right now.<br />
I work for this countries major Telecommunications company, although privatised and in a competitive market for ten years or so it is still considered a monopoly by many of its customers…<br />
All I would have to do is open an application, enter his first and second name, and search…voila, I would have everything I want at my fingertips.<br />
<br />
One day I will find some family, I really want to meet my grandmother, but I’ve got no name to go on. Just a job description and year she was in a certain city…and that was twenty years ago.

I think you would agree with me that sometimes hardships are what make for variable people. I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything, because I like the person I am. I don't need a father for that, If I’d had a father I would be a different person.<br />
Now I am searching, for my own peace of mind, I want to know my European ancestry.<br />
Just playing my cards

i have, in general, the same story ... no real recollection of my father or his family (last time i saw them i was 18 mos old), he was a drain to my mother and was having an affair or something ... it's not an easy thing to come to terms with, however, it sounds as if you've done quite well with it despite those hazy images of the man you will become. my point? the man you will become ultimately has little to do with your biological father. the man you will become has everything to do with the 'cards you play' ;-)