Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Me, Myself And Melancholy.....

I've always thought of myself as a strange kind of melancholy. Even when I'm not sad, I can simply feel my heart swinging it's feet like that little girl who would sit on ledges and dangle her legs, staring out onto the spaces where the sun splashed buildings with gold.

I was that little girl once, dreaming of sitting, bathed in that same golden light, or running untethered in the smooth blue moonlight that I could see from my bedroom window late at night--on those nights when it was so late that I was sure I was the only person left in the world.

Loneliness.

I grew up lonely. There were a million secrets to keep, a million reasons not to be innocent or safe.........

.......but really, really late at night---when it was so late that even chaos and monsters had to submit their weary eyes to the quiet force of sleep--I was all that was left.

Me and my melancholy.

So I could never see my melancholy as bad or good. It just was, and always has been. Melancholy came right along with freedom from noise and confusion. Melancholy would sit right along with me and dream into the moonlight. Melancholy knew where the tissues were after a bad day and melancholy didn't have the capacity to judge me or anyone else.

I grew up with insomnia--it was both an affliction and an escape. Honestly I came to like it--because the truth is: day or night, I've always been lonely, but late at night there's less to be afraid of.

Although there is also more time to remember the things that scared me.

My secret joy--that dream I held so tightly to as a little girl and still relish in now that I'm a grown up little girl--has simply been to have company on my late nights. Someone to fill the space that melancholy has kept warm all these years. A caring hand to hold and remind me that mine isn't the only heart running through the clean silver-blue moonlight and dipping it's toes in the golden light of dawn......

 
StarliteRose StarliteRose 26-30, F 6 Responses Jan 13, 2011

Your Response

Cancel

wow it is like reading pages out of my own diary if I kept one you really get me it is comfortaing to know that after the silence begins to lay it soft ringing over the lost few who hold onto wakefullness even though I am by myself I am not alone in the night I read to pass the hours that most people sleep and sometimes wonder cyberspace looking for those few who migh have a clue as to what the night holds for those of us that are not followers of the sleeping multitudes who never really get what it is like to be alone in a sea of people to be by oneself in a crowd or to see the lost soul surronded by the others

It's definitely comforting to know that others think similarly--makes the world seem less lonely :)

Thank you Eso *hugs* It's good to know that I'm not the only one =)

Thank you so much--your kind words really mean a lot to me *hugs* :)

How poetic even the simplest words seem when you use them! I shouldn't be surprised, as most melancholies (people with instinctive sadness) are very artistic. I'd wager that some of your best writings happen during those taboo hours when all the world is dreaming yet for you, sleep is impossible. Your talent is actually keeping you awake! <br />
<br />
If you had a partner by your side, no matter how fulfilling, they would subtract precious time from those hours when sadness insists on being vented and you need to (write, sing, dance) <br />
<br />
May you find rest wherever you can so your gift of poetry can continue expressing itself.

Me either--I've been tired all night and I'm still up =/<br />
<br />
That would be great--he has such a soothing voice (his name is Rob Thomas btw)<br />
<br />
*hugs* Thank you Amy♥

i understand...hugs*don laugh but when im goin to bed--i don sleep much either even if im tired--i wish that singer(idk who he is)he was near to sing till i sleep...that would feel nice..