I'm in love with my best friend. The ultimate cliché; but it goes deeper than that. I don't want him as my partner, and he doesn't want me either. I don't want myself to become a significant part of his life. I care about him and his deep seated happiness more than I do about myself or anything else, but he won't find it with me.
Sometimes it hurts; when I know he's broken and I can't help him.
Sometimes it's the happiest I've ever been; when I see him smiling with the person who can give him everything.
Sometime's I'm afraid; when we're talking and I can see something in his eyes I'm scared to find.
I can't give him what he needs or what he wants. Sometimes it makes me wish I could change who or what I am but I know I can't.
I'm scared of what I'm feeling. Sometimes I want to cut this all out of me but I can't. He's more important to me than anything I have, including myself.
I'm scared of what will happen to me if I give him everything but I'm terrified who I'll be if I don't.
RoboToast RoboToast
18-21, M
1 Response Aug 22, 2014

This must be a very difficult situation to be but the first part of your statement says it all. Neither of you want each other like partners. It's sounds like you are both very close and possibly a little confused. There are more than just one way to love a person. I love my family and children more than anything in the world and would gladly give my life for theirs and I have friends who I would do anything for. Love doesn't need to mean partners sex marriage or anything like that love is bond and it can't really be described because people have different views and experience of love. It's ok to love a friend to bits but not want to be with them as a partner. What ever you both feel for each other works for you both and what is wrong with that. You say you wish you could change etc but remember that you n your best friend are so because of who you both are and if you were not who you are then what's to say you would be as close to each other as you are now. Don't change to make other people happy be yourself and if you do decide to change then do it for you no one else.

That actually means a lot. Thank you, very much.

Any time and I wish you luck