Losing My Religion

although i did not grow in a very religious house i too received my fair share of religious brain washing from school and society.
by the time i was 12 i had decided that i don't believe in god and that religion is just a way to control people with fear. i understand that religion may have started out as a nice idea that could better society, but had been manipulated and missused over the years. it had become a set of rules and morals for weak people. people who don't understand the difference between right and wrong, good or bad. if there is such a difference.. but there is a difference between a person who doesn't hurt others because he understands they feel pain and a person who doesn't hurt others because he's afraid god will be angry with him or that his spot in heaven may be moved downstairs to hell because of it.
only yesterday i had come across an experience group called i'm an empath. i didn't know the term before but finely i found people that experienced the same things i have most of my life. at last i realized and defined a great part of who and what i am.
throughout my life my concept of religion, energy and higher power morphed and shape shifted along with myself. i had started out believing in god, then thinking i don't believe in the bible god but maybe something else, it then turned to believing in nothing.. i understood that all people needed something to believe in so that they may have meaning to their life, so that they could have something or someone to turn to when they had problems or to blame when something didn't go right... or to feel better with their life saying that everything happens for a reason, there's a bigger plan, everyone has their destiny and role to play in this plan. all very comforting.. and i thought.. what if there there is no meaning? what if nothing happens for a reason? what if your friends die at war, was that for a reason? would it even matter? i thought about the chaos this thought would cause in our narrow minded little world.
at that point my life became quite dark.. i sank into an endless pit. nothing had any meaning to me.. everything i did felt pointless, everything everyone around me talked about and did seemed stupid and meaningless. the only thing i could appreciate was nature.
to cope with this i decided to not think about it. there came a point i didn't know myself anymore.. anyone i shared this with didn't and was not capable of understanding me.
i connected to the energy of nature and shut out the energy of people. i find it easier to communicate with animals and other things than genuinely connecting with people. by connecting i mean sharing energy, understanding eachother. usually i understand other people and they come to me with their problems, but they don't understand me.

im only getting connected to myself very lately. i think that do to the circumstances of my life i completely lost touch of my true self to a point where.. i died. and lately im coming back to life all thanks to a blessed experience i had a few months ago.

i connect to energy mostly by visualizing and feeling. i used to think that the visualizing was just imagination... there is a difference between the tow and im not sure that i always know to tell the difference. i also sometimes know things or feel things from other people. i also think i can concentrate energy in my hands.. when i do i feel them tingling and they get warm. i also feel something special with water.. i had a feeling i can't explain touching the surface of the water... where water connects with the air, when my hands touch the surface of the water... something was special about it for me.

i'll be glad to hear if you can expand my knowledge about this, i admit im quite new to it.. or if you felt something similar.
thank you


BlueAyame BlueAyame
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 14, 2010

BlueAyame - Lovely story, have you since started any form of hands on healing? because it sounds like you are already doing it, take care.

See Amaya - fear destroyed your belief in God. Fear is the energy that defeats the divine. <br />
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All I can say is that people who often criticize religion and chastise its followers are often just a narrow minded as those who blindly follow a faith without seeking greater meaning and context. God is hardly judgemental, hypocritical and lazy. God created the world and universe - more than any man has ever done. Humans are the ones that pass judgment - in death we are all reborn unless we ourselves tie our spirit to this Earth (i.e., Hell). Hypocrisy is another human condition - God lets human experience life in all of its beauty and darkness so that our souls may grow deeper in oneness and understanding.<br />
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I'm sure you feel quite differently, but I strongly believe that religion is only imperfect because of the human element that created institutions so that we may share in faith together. The beauty is communal prayer and faith that can raise you to higher self awareness and confidence; the sadness is corruption and distortion for human desires that destroys lives. Don't blame religion, don't blame God - blame people. <br />
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And Blue - I hope you find a way back to enlightenment, where energy and God are recognized as the same thing, and where a community of people can help you celebrate this gift we call life.

You might be suprised that I agree with some of what you say, some athiests can be very closed minded just as some religious people .
But I have a huge problem with the very common view you have that is shared by alot of people who call themselves spiritual but don't believe in a God, that we are somehow sent here to suffer so we can have a more meaningful soul, please correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to be what you are saying. I don't find that a "loving GOD" at all, why would a loving God want children to get raped etc.
Also saying if a human spirit ties itself to this world after death they are in fact in hell.

I don't believe in God, as a kid I used to but it became more of a fear... Like a constant pressure and then I started looking at the world around me and realized god doesn't exist. Why does everyone pray and live their life for such a judgmental, hypocritical and lazy person??<br />
But like you; I believe in energy, I believe we are everything, we are all capable of unspeakable, beautiful and mystical things but we've been brainwashed to believe otherwise. I also get vibes and know things about people... I think it's amazing how you can manipulate energy and feel the surface of water, keep working on that!! You may be capable of telekanesis. (Bad spelling, sorry)