Why Do You Want To Know?

where am i?
i awake again sweaty and trembling
drowning in another sea of salty tears
grabbing at sheets to feel grounded

what have i got to loose?
my sanity, my dignity, my safety, my life

how do i feel?
depressed, scared, angry, shocked,ashamed, embarrassed

what has happened?
the scene is not gruesome but i'm still destroyed
fighting back in a way that feels unsafe and is unknown to me
proof i've never spoken out before, proof i refuse to surrendor myself
i refuse to raise the white flag, i refused to be silenced

what have i gained?
support i've never seen before
strangers hugging,
kind words spoken,
education that should have been taught years ago

then why are you standing up?
fear has silenced me for years
tired of being a dirty secret
tired of being abused for their use and thrown away
tired and regretful of never speaking up

what do you want from this?
closure.
hope others silenced will take a stand
knowledge and support

where do i go from here?
i don't know. i don't want the pit again
i've climbed up these walls too many times
i'm exhausted, tired of struggling
but i have to keep climbing, search for light
i see break in the darkness but a call comes and pushes me further down
but i will not give up,and YOU will not threaten me into silence
waiting for strength to come, waiting for relief
started a journey but want it finished
i want to forget, i want to sleep and be at peace

cisa cisa
22-25, F
Feb 9, 2010