Why Does Murphy Have To Have A Law And Not Just A Rule Of Thumb?

i have plans and a time table and i'd like to actually accomplish my goal a little bit early. but that's not seeming likely.
i'm calling the agency every morning telling them i'm available. i remind them that i'm extremely smart and learn very quickly, as well as that i have no problem doing any kind of job they have. i'm not picky. i've also handed out about a thousand applications and keep calling places back making sure that they don't forget about me.
so far all my effort has yielded diddly squat.
i'm trying hard not to get discouraged, a task that's becoming increasingly difficult. i'm trying to remain positive and just keep plugging away.
but the truth is that effort without results is meaningless. i'm starting to feel like if things don't turn around very soon that everything is going to disappear right in front of me. i really am at one of the most important points in my life. here is what is going to determine the overall course of things. the fork in the road is abundantly clear. but it's not about making a choice. i've already made it. it's about actually taking steps.
at this point i'm actually scared. scared that maybe i screwed up too much in the past and that there are no second chances. scared that i've dug a hole for myself that's just too deep. scared that i'll never see her again because i messed it all up before it even got started.
i'm not giving up. that's not in my nature either. i really have succeeded at everything i have set my mind to. it's just that there hasn't been that much i've set my mind to and everything else came pretty easily.
still, i can't help but feel a little bit desperate about the situation. all i can think about is getting to her. and right now nothing has put me any closer.
nothing worth while is easy. that's what i've been told. it must be true because this is the hardest thing i've tried to do. but it means so much.
no wonder i haven't been sleeping much lately. i just need to step back and take a deep breath and relax. every day is another chance to do something and for things to go right.
deleted deleted
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

aw hun..it will all work out! i'm impressed with how hard you're working! and your love and one worth fighting for:)