Scattered Feelings

My mind is going a mile a minute. I hate how I have no clue what I'm thinking. I feel sad one moment, the next I'm angry, then happy as well. There's a void inside me, that I can't understand. It makes me weak. Perfection is far, from what I got. Money doesn't matter to me. Life is about people and what we make of it. Sometimes it's hard for me to make the best. Some days it's like I don't want to be here anymore. Other days I never want it to end. It feels like deconstruction, demolition to be exact. I hate who I am, at times. Others like or hate me, and there's no in between. Why is life to the extremes? I will never know. Why is my head so screwed up? I wish, I knew. There are some people who mean so much to me. There are others, I could just shrug off. My husband is an amazing man, but sometimes he just seems so down. Our kids are amazing too. And I can tell my step daughter is as well. I can't explain how I know. I just do. I know things before they happen sometimes. It's a curse. Can be a gift, but when it burdens, it just cuts so deep. This dude use to be one of my best friends. But the alcoholism has taken him over and I just ******* hate it. I wish he would open his ******* eyes, but apparently I'm destined to lose someone else important to me, to alcoholism. My mom, I miss her like crazy, and I can't wait to see her again. But sometimes were all lost in this world. And that's okay. However, I miss Eli so damn much, sometimes I still cry. I wish it weren't this damn hard, but evidently it is. Things that are destined will be and never leave. I don't even know myself and that's the scariest part. I act like I'm at ease when I'm not. Just a few thoughts...
enigmaninja7 enigmaninja7
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 5, 2013

Ur a strong person with a great heart :) dont forget that...people come and go but the important ones will always stay