Unsure Wether To Let Go, Or If I Am Ready To Yet

 

   There are times, I look back and I see what my birth mom has done, I still love her but I am so unsure wether I am ready to let go of all the memories I hold dear too my heart and soul within me, I know that most of them are very painful, but still she is my mom regardless that she didn't raise me, and regardless that she deins her own dna plus flesh and blood!!! There is a song that every time I hear it I think so much about my mom and all the hell that she went through, its by Britney Spears, its called someday. Every time I hear that song I just don't wanna let go in a way of my memories I hold close upon my heart of my mom, I know its been one yr ago that I found my mom, we'd been seperated since I was six months old, but I wasen't adopted until I  was three yrs old though, I really do wanna let go, because she is in my past now, I have already closed that door to my past, but I am still unsure wether I am ready to let all these memories of my mom die or not. I know that no one is perfect and people are gonna say what they wanna say about her, I am aware of how she really is, but I can say nothing about her, for I have somewhat follwed in her footsteps a little, but the only difference is that I have changed and I am willing to contiune to change, to better my life and myself!! Time is on my side, but I belive my mind has went somewhere else at the present moment, I think too far in the future too be honest, " I am still hanning on to that slight glimmer of hope, that my mom will be back in my life, but for I know as well as the Heaven's that there is no chance of her comming back into my life at all, its no lie"!!! My mom walked out on my like two times in my life, but then the last time, she put stuff she shouldn't have put in front of her Heaven sent blessings ( her children, like me), so I had no choice but to kick her out of my life!! There were times I regerated, making that choice, but then its hit me all the sudden at once, like a wooden swinning door just slaped the **** out of my face, that I did do the right thing, I have learned so much from the experince of finding my birth mom, but honestly inside my heart I do not regert finding her at all, she deserved a chance and so did I! I gave her a chance, but I didn't get it in return, but that is ok, at least I tried to be a good person, I do not have much to say for her, because I am not her, I may look like her and sound like her, but I am not her!!

 

                     My life, my heart, my soul, and my mind has already moved on without her, but there is still a part of me inside that is so unsure wether too let my mom and the memories I have of her, go now or not to let go just yet!! I guess in time, hopefully soon, I will know from the sparkling daisy's and sunflower's standing in the sun soon!!

mysterygirlsky mysterygirlsky
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 12, 2010

I can relate to this in a different way, I have not seen my mother for 17 years, and I don't plan to, because she always hurts me so bad inside.<br />
I tried to be a good mother to my children to wipe out the memories of how she was to me. My children love me and would still sit on my lap if they could, but, alas, they are grown. Love is the answer, if there is any love between you and your mother, keep trying, never give up, like I did.