Me? I Just Dont Know Anymore

i have been proposed to. i have been engaged. i have been pined for.  i have been hard to forget by a select few. but i've never been married.  there was a time when i thought it would be nice to be married.  there was one man---only one---in my past i could actually see myself with day after day, year after year but he lied so terribly by omission i found it impossible to forgive him.  the truth is though, i've never forgotten...

i'm now 37 years old. i've got a sort-of career, i've got kids, but still no husband--no one to come home to at night, no one to goof off with & pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist, no one to talk to when things get overwhelming, no one to just BE there for me.  forget the sex (which is wonderful in it's own right) i just want to be cuddled and held once in a while.  i wish for this. i long for this--deep down.  realistically, though, i'm not sure it's a possibility for me and equally not sure it ever will be. 

for one, i'm damaged goods. who in their right mind would want me now anyway? life has not been kind to me.  i feel i have alot to offer, but who would want it?  two, while i would love companionship, too too much togetherness smothers me. plus, i am fiercely independent---i've been forced to be. for all these reasons and more i'm just not sure i'm the marrying type.  of course, someone might just come along one day and prove me wrong ;>

 

trixi trixi
41-45, F
3 Responses Feb 25, 2009

thanks for the advice. it makes alot of sense what both of you said. in this day and age, there arent many people who arent damaged goods in some sense of the word.<br />
triXi

You hardly sound like damage goods. A virgin is the last thing most guys want. Sex is important to us and the more experience you have the better.

you should very well put together and it sounds like you don't need a man to marry you to make you happy, but hey...you want one and i'm sure you can get one. try actually being in a 5yr relationship and wishing for marriage when he doesn't want to. that sucks. but you have your career and your kids, when you don't look, you will find a great man who will appreciate everything that you do and will love you and will be on your level, and if marriage is what you want, and he's ready then you will have it all. i wish you the best of luck. and by the way.....we are all damaged goods once we lose our virginities.