A Little Something Beautiful

I am too young to feel old, but I do. It's a bittersweet feeling. The feeling of knowing more than most of those that I spend my time with. You hear people constantly mocking young mothers. HELL, I did too! I made fun of the girls who couldn't keep their legs shut and so they paid the consequences. What stupid, immature little brats, right?

I could feel it in my mind that I was pregnant long before my body proved it to me. I was seventeen years young and living with a family of strict Christians. The "baby daddy" was a horribly abusive addict. I prayed that I would wake up from my horrible dream soon. I never did. Now, before you think I was just some washed high school trailer trash that deserved it, let me tell you that I was a golden student. I was in many advanced classes and in many different school organizations. I was an officer for many of these organizations. I was well spoken of by my teachers, who could not imagine my life outside of the walls outside of the school.

I messed up. I thought I completely ****** up my life. My dreams of being an entertainer were to be washed out to sea and any hopes of being happy again were dashed across the rocks. For the next 9 months my life was a hard journey. I was scared, confused, and I did NOT want this baby. I was a young, successful girl! Only ****** and ***** got pregnant, right? I was not a *****. I was not a ****. I was NOT going to be this kids mom...

London Allison. It's her first name and her middle name, but I have always said it as if it were her first name. I remember when I brought her into this world. I held this tiny, little person in my arms for the first time. She instantly stopped crying. Like she was saying "you're my mom...my one and only mom." She was so innocent despite the fact that she had just endured 9 months of hell with me.

When I told my parents that I was pregnant there were, as you can imagine, a lot of tears and yelling. I decided to shove "baby daddy" out of the picture long before London Allison was born. I could put up with his bull, but I would never subject this innocent baby to his cruelty. That was a hard thing to do too. At the time, I was "in love" with this *******. Of course I wanted a happy, little family with him, but was I going to risk this babies safety in the hopes that he would change and be a good father?

I major in Pre-Law at local private college now. I've finally lost all of that stinkin' baby weight! My family and I are still healing from the wounds that were left by betrayal and anger. I've learned to let go of all the pointless drama. I've learned to try look at everything in a beautiful way. Above all, I've learned not to be so judgmental of others; never judge a book by its cover.

I never wanted to be a mom. I hated the idea. But when I'm driving the soccer-mom van to the park so that London Allison can see the ducks and we can go for a jog, I realize that it took being a teen mom to learn to love and appreciate the things I have and not to envy what I lack. I never thought I would be looking in my rear view mirror at that chubby little face, looking out the window and babbling her baby talk. She is just the Little Something Beautiful that I needed in my life.

I love you, London Allison. Thank you for being my daughter....

deadlyeggroll deadlyeggroll
18-21, F
2 Responses May 18, 2012

Wow powerful story, thanks so much for sharing! Nice to hear about your journey and what you went through, how your expectations were shattered and you had to adjust, you sound like a great mom :)

Thank you so much!

i have no words to describe your goodness , by reading this story i can feel how mature you are , and its a very big thing to take a hard decision and stand with it ....................... ....... i salute you ....... and lots of hugs and kisses to dear london allison ..................................... .......................

you are too kind. I will be sending those hugs and kisses London's way!!!