I Once Was Found And Now Am Lost.

I was a strong christian for a long time. My faith gave me strength, value, direction, and a moral compas. I got to the point where I really wanted to move forward and give my entire life to my faith in reality, give up my own desires so i could serve the poor and fight for change. I had always done a lot, but this was a much larger step. I told God he could have my entire life which i held with great value but i needed some sort of aknowledgment from Him, some act of faith that would validate this sacrifice. But it never came. I waited and listened but did not receive. So I could not move forward, and have ultimately said I am an agnostic now. This has changed me radically as I now find that I have no strong sense of right and wrong or what i should be doing. I find myself completely indecisive and ungrounded, simply going about my business doing wht i feel like for me. I feel much less empty than I did but have no way of going forward. I still love the teachings of Jesus and feel they should be embraced by all, but without believing that their is a greater good at work in a world that is desperatly broken it makes it really hard to move forward. So I am not who i once was, nd worry as i don't really know who I am anymore. There is so little of value to embrace as a foundation..
cloudedjourney cloudedjourney
26-30, M
6 Responses Jun 1, 2012

finding your own path is much harder than taking the previouslyly paved path, to take your bike and ride it down the kalhaven trail is easy and nondangerous but if you choose to just ride it acroos people's property in a straight line your more than liekly to get shot. just a metaphor but close to what i get from your story. The inner-self based path is not selfish, its uplifting. To help others along their paths is all chivalrous but most priests of organized religion lose sight of faith and simply enforce doctrine, to help people grow spiritually you have to feel spiritual growth yourself. If the path ahead is dark and your afraid you may hurt yourself by groping around in front of you, don't be afraid cause if something bites your hand it will heal and you will be wiser for the incursion. Don't be a sheep or a sheperd, be an adventurer and find your own path :)

I feel the same, for different reasons, though. In middle school I was pretty confused about, well, everything. Who isn't, right? But it felt different. I was missing the big picure. I felt like I was learning more about the world but understanding less. Then my friend invited me to the youth group at our church (also Catholic) and I found my place. Youth Group changed my life greatly, and for the better. I was raised with God in my life, I woulld pray every night and when I needed help, but YG gave me a better understanding of who I was praying to. I made amazing friends, the youth minister became a great confidant. On my first retreat I was completely content. I gave everything I was carrying on my shoulders up to God and knew I coud lay my trust in Him. I went to youth leader training and was supposed to come back to my group with what I learned. About that time, though, I began to feel differently about my faith. I prayed less, went to YG as routine instead of enjoying it. I started to feel this anger and frustration with God as I forced myself to look at the world now. There are some things that I have learned along the way that I have started questioning. That's what my life is now - a big question mark. I did not go to YG this year. I have spoken to God about all of this many times, also looking for answers and signs. I have told Him I want my faith in Him back, but I just don't feel Him in my life anymore. My life has been so much harder without Him, though. Before now no one knew of my feelings. I feel ashamed to admit them. I am more lost now than ever and feel like I have no one to turn to anymore. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. If only hope was still all I needed...

I don't believe in religion, either. But I believe in an almighty power...<br />
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I think following personal values are beliefs are the most important thing in life :-)

Hey buddy. You commented on one of my questions and I could tell that you were unsure about what you believed exactly. I've been there. I walked away from.Gods teaching and my life took a nose dive instantaneously. I felt like a different person and I hated it. Christianity is a faith ba<x>sed religion and we rarely get signs and wonders beemed down from heaven. (That might be a little scary) you are a grown man and make your own decisions, but I hope that you could pray about it and reevaluate your stance with God. I've lived with Him and without Him and man I can't imagine going back to my old life without Him. If you ever want to talk about it message me and I will be sure to help any way I can. God bless you man.

I have been there. Feeling like He doesn't hear me and doesn't care. It's always been up to me to keep walking even though it feels like darkness at times. I don't know why He chooses to test me like this, but I tried to turn my back on Him before and I was the one who hurt. I was l so lost. I wish I knew how to encourage you, but we all walk with Him alone in the end.

Yea i'm not sure how i feel about it all. It's not really a sense of betrayal..I dunno. My ears are open when he is willing to talk, i just don't have the faith to follow anything invisible. I stick to Jesus' teachings though.

I believe in humanity, when things gets done right, I thank the people and not some imaginary thing. I used to be a Catholic, did the rosary everyday and talked to God every night and when I needed help. But I guess I grew up and my mind developed too, it didnt make sense to me anymore. So I stopped believing in the Bible god. Now I don't have a set of rules to abide to but that doesnt mean Im gonna **** up my life. I may have had a good sense of security back then when I believed, but it was superficial. There may not be an angel that's guiding us but there are people that we can rely on. It's too ****** up for me to know about the horrible things that are happening and just think that it was god's will. I can't think like that. I was afraid what if im wrong, what if there is god, but everyday is a proof that there isnt god. Being an atheist doesnt mean I can do whatever I want. I wouldn't lie to someone if it would hurt them but I would lie if that's what it would take to move forward. It's fine to feel lost for awhile, give it time.