I Once Was Found And Now Am Lost.
I was a strong christian for a long time. My faith gave me strength, value, direction, and a moral compas. I got to the point where I really wanted to move forward and give my entire life to my faith in reality, give up my own desires so i could serve the poor and fight for change. I had always done a lot, but this was a much larger step. I told God he could have my entire life which i held with great value but i needed some sort of aknowledgment from Him, some act of faith that would validate this sacrifice. But it never came. I waited and listened but did not receive. So I could not move forward, and have ultimately said I am an agnostic now. This has changed me radically as I now find that I have no strong sense of right and wrong or what i should be doing. I find myself completely indecisive and ungrounded, simply going about my business doing wht i feel like for me. I feel much less empty than I did but have no way of going forward. I still love the teachings of Jesus and feel they should be embraced by all, but without believing that their is a greater good at work in a world that is desperatly broken it makes it really hard to move forward. So I am not who i once was, nd worry as i don't really know who I am anymore. There is so little of value to embrace as a foundation..