Born: 1991, Died: ????

1997: The amazingly behaved child who never really caused any problems. I was a good kid around this time. My family always says what an angel I was when I was little. I'm not so sure what happened along the way. Though I'm going to try to explain it.

2004: I was in a small catholic school in Dayton, Ohio. I was still a pretty good kid. I mostly kept to myself, didn't have many friends at the time. The few people that I did enjoy being around were boys. I was the typical older sister, shuning my sister from my activities. I think things truly went a bit towards the edge when I met Cory. I was 13, and he was 14. We dated on and off about a year or so. He introduced me to lots of rock music, and a different life style. I won't go into deep detail here, because it's much too much to explain. Around the end of our relationship, about August of September of the following year, things got worse. I was getting very depressed, and lonely. He ended up leaving me, obviously. It was done through a phone call, while he was in Michigan. None the less through a number I couldn't call back. It upset me pretty bad honestly. He had taken my virginity, and I thought I had loved him. The worst part of it is, I still love him, about 4 years later.

2005: I spent most of my 8th grade year depressed. I simply went through school with a smile on my face, but an empty heart. I was a completely different person when I would get home from school. I would sit in my room, alone, and watch out the window. I never ate, nor did anything with the family unless forced into it. My mother hated the fact that she couldn't threaten me for motivation anymore. She could take whatever she wanted, it didn't matter to me. I could have have a **** less what she did. I wrote suicide notes multiple times, and even tried to jump out of my window once. And what did my mother do to help me through these suicidal times? Nothing.

2007: I had gone from a school with all my friends, to a school completely alone. I had no friends, not even enemies. I spent most of my time in the councilers office during lunch so I didn't have to sit in the hallway and eat by myself. I went from writing severly depressing poetry, to self mutualation. I started cutting my wrists. I did a fine job at hiding it from other people, since I had no friends. Slowly I made some aquantaces, but it took awhile. Most of them were the "Anime Nerds", which I had no problem with. I loved anime, Naruto and Bleach for example. I didn't mind hanging out with them at all. Well, one of them found out about my little habit. His mother found a picture of my arm in his cell phone. She called the school and the school called my mother. They forced me to go into a youth services' hospital until I was "cured".

2008: I moved to South Carolina to live with my aunt and uncle. I needed to get away from my mother and her drug addiction. I had went most my life without even knowing she was doing it. I never really paid attention to her habits, only tried to avoid getting smacked. Things got better and worse, just like any other teenager's life.

2009: I moved back to Ohio to be with my mother. Now she is addicted to Heroine and we were homeless. It was hell to be there with her. I love her, she is my mother after all. Though sometimes I want to kill her. I was so thankful my sister lived with her dad now. I moved back to South Carolina again shortly after being in Ohio. I was only gone about 5 months before I broke down and begged to come back. Now I'm here, dealing with the usual bullshit. I still hate my life. I am still depressed, and I still cut myself.

Now, after this vague description of just a few things that has happened, what have we learned? Me, I've learned that I'm very different than I was many years ago. I honestly wish I could go back and change things. So that I could be a different person. Maybe, then I would be a happy person.

ImEndangeredGimmeYourCola ImEndangeredGimmeYourCola
26-30, F
1 Response Oct 11, 2009

Interesting. I know about all this of course but I'll still share a comment about certain points hit in your writting. See a person changes on the outside to adapt to what enviroment he or she is around. But they never really truly change on the inside at all. Unless you have a personality flip. Which there is a 99.9% you'll go crazy before you flip. Check out the enneagram sometime you'll love it. Anyways as i saying no one really changes. your still the same lovable person i always known. "It take a matter of no time to travel a pebble over a mountain. but it take a matter of years to push a boulder over one." ~ Mark Sparks (The mediator)